I want to be that perfect guy, and that's the shit that's holding me back. I'm not a fucking idiot. I scored a 2350 on the SATs and I was admitted to Mensa. But what is killing me is school. I don't want to be that person who studies hard for his grades. I want to score straight A's without putting over 10 minutes into studying, then rub it into the faces of my peers to demonstrate my ultimate superiority who probably spent 3 hours of their night working for good marks. I want to rub it in like the smug motherfucker that I am.
Most of you might guess that my plan is not working so well. I'm barely scraping by. Most nights, I don't even open my backpack. The thing is I WANT good grades but I can't seem to give up my perfectionist tendencies and it's PISSING ME OFF TO THE MAX
| Ab Workouts |
im angry cause im super fat im 235-245 pounds i stick on a diet for like two days than my very thin sister ruins it w/ nasty fried chicken and shit eeww and i fall for it every time.... and you know what i have no one to blame but myself im a fat tub of lard and i did it to myself i throw up and dont eat i've tried every thing but im still a lardo hhmm one time i droped 30 pounds in a month from barely eating or throwing up and as soon as i droped the last pound i found out i was pregos.... needless to say i gained it back and more so (i stopped my harmfull behavior when i found out i was prego) now a full year later i want to lose it again and i will do it by smoking, barfing, and not eating ....... as mick folley once said "have a nice day!"
I'm a fucking loser. Everytime something starts to go well in my life I fuck it up by not trusting anyone. This has affected me negatively in every relationship that I've ever had. I'm now a single, loser who looks like a fucking skeleton because I've been taking such bad care of myself. I'm trying to get my life on track but I know I'm going to fuck it up again. I give up. I just don't care anymore.
Why am I such an idiot? Yes, yet again I think I'm falling in love with someone online. He 'loves' me too, but I can't tell him because my sister will rip the shit out of me. He lives 2 hours away, which isn't too bad, but he's gone and found himself a girl that lives about 5 minutes away. Yeah, he must really have strong feelings for me, huh? He says he doesn't want to hurt me by dating her, well guess what? IT DOES FUCKING HURT. I just want to be happy for once in my shitty life.
God i hate being short... it sucks when all the girls you like i a whole fucking head taller than you. It's fucking humiliating. I mean I eat my vegetables and I drink milk, well soy unfortunately, and I CAN'T FUCKING GROW!!!!! Do you know how awkward it is when the chick you're with is 6 inches taller than you?! Can you imagine how weird it is kissin a chick taller than you?! It's weird! Man if I were only half a foot taller I'd be so much happier and a how lot less picked on. Being short, AND being a Freshman... horrific.
im angry because i really like this girl ella but she hates me maybe if i wasent such a ugly piece of shit she would like me its not my fault im ugly i didnt fucking choose to be ugly anyway i always dream about her shes always im my thoughts im going fucking crazy because i cant stop thinking about her last year this kid told her that i liked her and she freaked out well fuck it ive failed at everything so far why would this be any different im a failure at life i should probably do everyone the favor and kill myself
I waste every day at my job to essentially surf the net and not get shit done...so I stay late out of guilt and scramble to do enough so I don't get fired.
If I wasn't such a screw-up I could do my job really well and still have time to do what I want in the evenings, but instead I fool around, get tired and don't make any money. Meanwhile, my family is almost broke because I'm such a fuckup and I masterbate multiple times a day from looking at porn.
I'm getting out of shape also because I'm spending too much time "working" and don't have time to exercise. Bullshit. Just a little self discipline and I could be in shape, feel great, and have plenty of money.
I'm pissing my life away on the net. UUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!!!
I'm a musician. I can't get a stupid technique right. I hate it.
I hate it. I hate it.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.........................
My private voice teacher is a stupid idiot.
She doesn't pay attention to my struggling, and instead avoids it. Grrrrrrrrrrr..............
I suck at playing sax....grrrr.....
I can't get a good, clean sound.
I'm...just...frustrated. And angry. And...
All done.
Listen, I'm truly a piece of shit. Girls don't like me. Everybody likes me but girls. I'm beginning to think that I'm fucking hideous, because I can't get a girlfriend. Oh, I forgot, I'm fucking stupid also. My grades fucking suck, I'm fucking lazy, and have no responsibility. My family is fucking delusional, they think I am just fine, a great kid to have, they're fucking wrong. Fuck, I actually have a good amount of friends, but girls completely fucking ignore me. In my opinion, the only, I repeat, ONLY reason I am on this earth is to play baseball. That is the only thing I am good at. That is the only thing I will ever be good at. That's all I have in my life. I have nothing else in my life to look forward to, but baeball. I won't get married, no girl would ever want to be with me. I know I shouldn't, but I often blame God for making me like this. He made me into a complete waste of a human. I don't understand....
I am angry at myself; well, my body specifically. I am seriously underweight for my height according to the traditional BMI standards. All I see when I look in the mirror is bones and angles and it really upsets me. People have accused me of having such eating disorders as anorexia and bulimia. More creative people have suggested that I may have AIDS or TB. I think I am horrifically ugly. My self-esteem is non-existent. I don't choose to be so thin; I've always eaten well and I do indulge occasionally. For a lot of people it isn't a choice to look this way. I've recently embarked on a sincere weight gain and toning effort. I shall see how it goes.
I have no real friends, I fuck up everything, and apparently I'm fucking worthless until somebody needs money. I fucking suck
I am so *angry* at myself! I hate myself! Every damn day I say that I will start dieting tomorrow and I NEVER FUCKING DO! I just come home, stuff my face until I feel as though I will EXPLODE and say I will start tomorrow. Then, the next day I end up feeling like shit from the day before and I just eat more. It makes me so fucking angry. I hope that some day as I stuff my face, giving up once again, I have a fucking heart attack and die. I'm so ugly and pale and freckled and fat. I have a shitty personality and I hate people, but I hate being alone at the same time. I am in love with this man, but he doesn't love me. I am a worthless scummy piece of shit. All I do is watch t.v. I already gave my virginity to this slut of a man. I'm just going to grow up and contribute to this shit hole of a society by working in an office everyday and coming home to my t.v. again. I'm such a boring space-wasting piece of shit. I hope when I go to sleep tonight, I don't wake up.
Right now my parents could be having the time of their lives with a decent home, five successful children that they could boast to the world, and their only worry would be whether or not they should build a pole barn in the back yard. Unfortunately they still have me. I'm nineteen years old with no job, no vehicle, and going to school full-time with my father paying for two years. I have failed a college course, enraged my father, and have put my mother in emotional jeopardy because I am so utterly dependent. The word hate does not even define how I feel about myself. I shouldn't even exist, and I don't want to if it would make everything better for them.
I can't do anything right. I had a great friend and ruined it in a way I wish I knew what happened because everything was fine, and I even made a visit for a week cross country with nothing said. Don't act like s*t is ok when it's not. Got a friggen problem, TELL ME. Don't sit on it for over a month after I leave, ignore me when I ask if everything is ok, and wonder how to not hurt my feelings by bringing something up. Let me know so I'm not wondering what the hell is going on. I'd rather know than wonder why they're ignoring me. Grow a pair will ya? Good grief. Honesty damnit. Friends should be up front with friends, not pussyfoot around issues. Real friends will understand and go on with the "relationship". F*n spit it out and move on damnit. Seems other than my fiance who I don't see too often, I must turn people off since it seems nobody wants to talk to me. I am a caring person who doesn't ask for much other than friendship and a "hey how are you" and a little conversation every once in awhile and I'm always the one to initiate a conversation with people. Makes me wonder if I'm really friends with these people or they just be nice to me not to hurt my feelings. Again, grow a pair. Wanna be friends or not? Friends usually talk or just say hi how are ya more than once a millennium. After this last event, I'm never getting close to anyone like that ever again. It hurts like hell and now I wish I'd never met this person and they were my best/closest friend. While it is not a fight and we still wanna be friends to a point, but I'm not going outta my way to be there when needed anymore. I give up. I'm sick of hearing "you're a nice and caring person, but..". I try to be a good friend and listener but am sick of getting f*d over. I'm such an idiot for even caring about some people. I never learn. I'm done caring for people as much as I do. Honestly I'm not a complainer, but damn I'm friggen so angry right now I could put my hand thru a wall. Venting here is a better idea. Thanks angry.net. And fml.
don't know which catagory this appropriately fits into:i'm angry that i've always thought and felt younger than my real age and i hung out with younger people than then myself most of my life and dated people younger than myself..i'm actually angry about the fact and depressed as well)that i'm now 54 and still think and act and feel 20 years younger.i don't like hanging with or meeting old fogies my age and discussing stupid things like the new addition to their front porch that they built saturday and stuff like that.gee what a cool life they must have when that's the hilite of their month!by appearance i look to be in my mid late 30's still.sure younger girls hit on me but how long does that last when they find i'm 54!!most people my age can't even climb a fence anymore but i still love going on rides at the theme parks and am into current music like green day,flyleaf,etc(and 80's stuff of course)/.the younger group accepts me only til they find out how old i am.i don't have much in common at all with my own age group!i'm always alone!i'm angry..lonley..and well..that's it.
I cannot stand myself. Infact, I hate myself. I do not feel as if I were an actual person because I cannot relate to myself, I hate almost everything I do, just about all of my actions and I have the feeling I don't even know why I act like I act and do what I do because I have no real connection to myself and I FUCKING hate myself for this confusion. It's as if I had a split personality, an ever-ongoing conflict of two stupid assholes who cannot stand each other one damn bit at all and who are yet forced to forever live together in a crammed room where one person is already almost too much - but TWO of them? I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it and I hate myself for hating it because it all seems so very pointless - I mean, as I said, I can't even relate to myself, I don't even have the feeling that I am something that qualifies as a person, I feel "incoherent" and I also act that way, I shift from one fragmented personality to another constantly. I truly envy people who seem confident with themselves, who can name certain traits of their character which are positive and those that are negative or need improvement or whatever - and I hate THEM, too, for behaving in front of me like it would be completely natural and easy to have opinions, mindsets and outlooks on life of their very own. And of course, it probably is at least natural even if it weren't easy for them and most other people in this world, but it isn't for me and yet it seems that it would make only absolute sense if I could be that way too, yet I am not for reasons I cannot grasp or even try to understand and I hate myself EVEN MORE for that. I hate the fact that I don't know who I am and I hate the fact that all possibilities I've tried until now in my twenty-five years of life to identify myself as a person (and believe me, I tried a lot, from religion to politics to philosophy and whatnot), I REALLY hate it that nothing seems to work (except nothing, which works just fine at being a fathomless pit that I cannot climb out of), I hate it that I have the feeling I'll possibly never really live or develop as a human being while I would LOVE nothing more than having the feeling to be human being with emotions other than a deep and constant feeling of alienation and self-hatred (often I believe that I am not even truly capable of self-pity or the likes as I mostly just feel numb and hollow when I am not aggravated by myself) and envy of my surroundings. The only thing I can do is fake being a person, and so I turn out to be a wholly different person around every other human being (hell, I'm probably not "honest" or "true" at this moment on this anonymous website, I always feel that I am somehow being strangely dishonest or whatever appropriate word there could be for this condition, I feel adrift and as if any outspeaking of my mind has no value because it has no constance and duration whatsoever - or at least that is the way that I perceive it). And see? "As I perceive it": I don't even know if that what I am saying about myself is of any truth or reality at all. And I FUCKING HATE IT. The only thing I am certain of knowing is the frustration which is closely linked to whatever I am.
I fucking hate myself!! I hate that I cant be who I ant to be!! I hate that I have to be responsible. I FUCKING HATE MYSELF... I HATE THESE PPL I LIVE WITH, I HATE HOW THEY'VE MENTALLY FUCKED ME AND THEN LEAVE ME TO CLEAN UP THE PIECES... i HATE THAT IM SO FUCKING DEPRESSED!!!!!! i hate that I cant fucking cry... god help me I fucking wish I could just die! How great would it be if I went to sleep and never woke up? I wish I had the strenth to just fucking end the suffering and die
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