I'm pissed at myself. I'm an obnoxious, devoid of any social skills, pick my nose, over eat, only shower every third day (even in the Summer), eat like a pig and am just an all around dink. On top of all that, it 's been pointed out to me that my anti-social behavior and lack of mental faculties is costing my HMO alot of money. But at least I can call all these things mine. There are some poor assholes out there that don't even have that.
I too am a worthless pathetic wishy washy looser. I let people walk all over me, I can't stand up for myself. I wish I had balls like real men do. Oh well, I'm going to cry myself to sleep while listening to Delilah on the radio. Weep...
I am a worthless and grotesque piece of human waste who people
love to push around.
I haven't been able to find a job. I'm too stupid to go to college. I don't have any useful talents. If being a loser were an Olympic event, I'd be up to my ugly neck in gold medals! I ought to have the words "shoot me" tattooed to my forehead! I'm so ugly I keep sleeping pills awake!
I'm so stupid,I thought the Chubb Institute was fat camp, and speaking of fat camps I need to stuffed into a piano crate and sent to one. I could go on and on about how pitiful I am but I have to go make some threatening letters that I going to send to myself.
I'm a fat, ugly, loser. I'll be in community college for the rest of my life. Why did God bother with me? Really, why did he bother..I'm too stupid to do anything with my life. I don't blame God, I just blame my worthless self.
Hahahaha! What frigging joke I am. I've been trying to find a job for well over a goddamn year and still can't get one. College is not an option for me because I haven't the time,money, or intellegence to go there. What am I supposed to do? Get by on my good looks? HA! Yeah right! I'm fucking hideous. Life is popularity contest,I just can't win. I wish I was dead.
i´m so damn fuckin´angry bout myself, cause I´m too dumb to manage my bullshit-life. I just lost my motherfuckin´job, my bitch of a girlfriend and wrecked my motherfuckin´car!!! The hole bullshit pisses me off I think I couldn´t be more pissed off even if i was a sheep in a lionscage himself... FUCK (maybe there are some FUCKING mistakes in my FUCKIN articel but they are in it because I´m FUCKIN german, so sorry bout that)
Every time I see myself in the mirror I feel like smashing it. I'm a fat, fucking ugly as hell retard who can't even land a lousy job at a snack bar. I'm thinking about putting out an ad in the newspaper asking for someone to just put me out of my misery. No sense in paying them, since they'd probably gladly do it for free once see what I look like.
I hate myself because I'm a stupid son of a bitch who can't do any damn thing right. I don't even know why I get out of bed in the morning,I have no job, people want nothing to with me. I might as well be dead.
do you ever get out the shower get ready to go out for a nice evening.. hop in your car attempt to pass a little gas to feel a little more comfortable then suddenly a rush of fluid squishes out of your ass? how about this.. i finally get a chance to go out with a gal ive really admired for a long time.. at the end of our date we sat togethger in a well lit ice cream parlor having some great conversation.. i get up and go to the restroom only to see that there is a horrific crispy booger half way out of my nose... my sister came in the other day unannounced and she brought some of her beautiful co workers from her salon to meet me.. she enters throwing me completely off guard in nothing more than my boxer shorts and socks.. if thats not bad enough she comes to my room too where i fled to compose myself and she tells me quietly that there is a terrible smell in the apartment.. realizing i had a massive ugly movement and left the door wide open moments before they arrived i casually walked into the living room to light a candle only to find the girls are gagging and waving there hands in front of there faces as well as laughing.. oh man .. sometimes its hard to live with myself.
I am a loser. I can't figure things out. I ignore problems because I am afraid of them & then BAM! shit gets worse. Why am I so afraid all of the time? I can't balance money for my life. I have enough to live, but i am a loser and don't do anything properly. now, i'm going to get evicted. Losers get evicted. I am a loser. I wish I wasn't such a weak person. I am sad. I am alone. I am afraid. LIFE SUCKS! I'm worth more dead than I am alive. How fucking depressing is that. My medication makes me feel a little better, but I don't know how to do anything and am so afraid to reach out and ask my family to help. they suck with money. all Dad's money goes to the church. I wish I was dead.
I am an unemployed 26 year old loser who has nothing better to do than to baby sit his vile, sadistic, lazy, good for nothing father. I've tried to find a job for a while and I'm getting nowhere. I have nothing to live for, my life is over.
what kind of a person spends over two years of his life trying to find a job? The answer is ME! I make out dozens of applications daily and I don't get one fucking response. Then I get told by my "loving" family that I'm lazy and stupid and that I don't want to work. I guess I am everything they say I am. I am a failure become worse than my low-life derelict father. I want to kill myself.
I am a moron. Give me a 50/50 chance and I'll get it wrong every time unless I try to get it wrong. If you were to take my brain and shove it up a knat's behind, the picture that comes to mind is a BB in a Boxcar. If you take any problem in the universe, simple or complex, and attempt to use my brain in the formulation of a solution to that problem, you will render the problem virtually "Unsolvable"! Dead people are smarter than me! If you need a valid answer, don't ask me, dig up a dead guy and ask him. At least you won't get the wrong answer. I make Beavis and Butthead look like a pair of Einstein's. And.. to make things worse, I have an infantile penis! What a Loser!
i hate being lonely. im always alone. im a decent guy. im only 18 and have a nice face and body. but no-one likes me. im nice and everything. every girl ive asked out has turned me down this month. and its not like im being impractical about who i choose to ask. i hate being lonely. im never going to get a girlfriend. damn those snotty, materialistic, mtv watching, blinded by the media bitches to hell! oh, and congratulations on your engagement Mr.. angry webmaster. at least some people in this fuckin stupid world are happy.
*Note from Anger Central
This looked better in this section then the one for Women.
I am a worthless bum. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try,I fail. I have no job, I have no income, I have no talent, I have no one to help me, I have nothing. I can't go back to school because I'm too fucking stupid to understand anything. I'm going to go kill myself, I can't continue to live this way, I'm too old. I can't take it anymore.
I applied for a job at Macy's a few weeks ago. I finally get an email from them inviting me in for an interview. The problem was, I found the email 2 hours after the interview took place. I'm so fucking stupid for not checking my email earlier. Because of my stupidity, I lost a chance to work again.
I pissed my life away trying to do something I though I was good at, draw. But I came to realize that I have no talent. I pissed my life away trying to find a job and I end up with with nothing. Why bother getting out of bed? Who the hell can live this way? I sure as hell can't. I want to die. Remember this lesson, kids....Trying is the same as doing nothing.
Yesterday I felt self-loathing.. and it was because I can't change what I did. I was right that what's done is done and what's said is said.. because of my attitude for quite some time, I've lost all my friends.. and the worst part is they all think I'm not sorry. None of them call or e-mail me any more, and I haven't seen them in months. They think every time I say sorry that I don't mean it.. because I always fucked up. They got sick of my aggression, impatience, over criticism, over demanding, paranoia and that I never seemed to take their advice or help, even though I ALWAYS appreciated it.. but maybe it was usually due to my fault. I wanted CONTROL out of fear of failure.. I was afraid that being too passive was being in denial that something wasn't wrong. I would be impulsive or not resist speaking my mind (even though I knew it could cause trouble) and say things I regret or wish I didn't tell. No one's perfect and we all have regrets, but we're still responsible for ourselves. I knew what's for my own good but sometimes I was just stubborn.. but unfortunately, my intuition which (rarely, if EVER fails) would sometimes tell me what I didn't want to believe. It lead to confusion and all logic would not have made a difference.. something is either true or not. Worse, I could say it wouldn't matter any more once it's over, but it never is until you learn from it, otherwise you'll just repeat it in the future.
I didn't mean to take anyone granted.. HONEST TO GOD TRUTH.. that's one thing I knew I should NEVER do.. because of all things you attain, people are probably the hardest to hold on to. Even if they don't want to speak to me again, I just wish they would all know how sorry I am.. I hate living in a guilt and shame.
The only way to get over it is to CHANGE.. to be more calm, passive, patient, trusting and forgiving and NOT EXPECT so much of others and out of life.. just relax.. keep things casual, cool, compassionate and simple.. go with the flow and everything comes out better naturally in its own good time. If you really want something, be confident, pursue it and do what you need to do it.. but YOU CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH.. so wait and let the rest fall into place. If you fail, learn from your mistakes and TRY AGAIN.. patience, perseverance, and persistence is THE KEY.
ARGH! I'm a 21 year old college student and my life would just be a hell of a lot easier had I chosen not to minor in art. I want to be an art therapist, not an artist. And while I'm talented, I can't compare to everyone else in my school's art department. My ideas are bullshit, and they need a lot of work. I don't know what the teachers expect. I'm stressed out, burnt out, and I need to refocus. I expect myself to make As and Bs but so far I'm pulling a lot of Cs. It's annoying as fuck and my life would be so much easier if they could just be like my psych classes -- lecture and notes and As on my tests. I've already had to finish my senior year of high school in home school and had to withdraw from college once. I can't do that again and there's so much pressure on me to produce produce produce. I'm in a rut and I hate the fact that I can't pull out of it by myself. I don't want to fall apart again, but if things keep up the way they are, I'm afraid I'll start regressing. ARGH! This is so frustrating!!!!
I hate myself because I am the most deformed retarded looking dumbest piece of shit on this hellish ball of mud and water. How can life be so horrible for just one little person? Why did this "fate" thing choose me to live through this misery? Why can't I just start over with the things I want? I don't want to be perfect and I don't want to be at the top of the world I just want a normal life with normal fucking boundaries.
My parents could at least tell me what happened between the time of my conception and the 5 months it took for them to realize I was growing into a human being inside of my mother. You don't go through life as a 'fluke' retard. It just doesn't happen. There is a reason for everything and I'm damn sure there is a really nasty one for me. I don't have down's syndrome, or any other type of GENETIC disorder but I do have a strong suspicion that my mother was probably doing some heavy shit and no doubt drinking alot the first couple of months of her first trimester even though she continues to deny that to this day. How can she just do that? Is it just some people don't have a heart? How can you be this cruel to someone? That's like putting me on life support after half of my brain has been smashed out and obliterated into worm food after being hit by a fucking oncoming freight train putting me in an infinite state of conscious limbo, letting me to continue to suffer only because "I'm a living thing". They obviously didn't fucking care whether or not I was a living thing when they did this to me.
Now how the fuck am I supposed to accept that I'm a retard only for the "fact" that that's how this fucking imaginary prick in the sky wanted me to be? How the fuck do you come from a family that has no history or background of ANY genetic disorder relating to mental retardation or physical deformity and end up like me? It's impossible I tell you
It's not fair either. No matter how hard I try I will never get a job that pays well enough to fix my appearance. I can't win no matter which way I go or how dedicated I am to looking at the 'bright' side of things. There is no fucking bright side to this life. I didn't ask for this life. I didn't ask to be a tower for people's pity and mockery. I don't want this life anymore. I want out of it. Why don't I just shoot myself? I want to start over but I know I can't. When I die, that is it for me. I have never able to see what a real life is like, nor will I ever. Fuck Me.
I wish everyone wouldn't take it my anger personally.. the people I'm not angry at always take it so, and it's hard to apologize after because I don't how they will feel. A friend of mine stopped e-mailing me because of it, and she said I always took my anger out on her. She said the way I think when I'm calm is not the same when I'm angry, and maybe she was right. It depends on the situation. I'm not inconsiderate and self-absorbed.. but when I'm angry, it's hard to focus on other people's feelings. Who isn't like that when they're angry?
Maybe there was some misunderstanding, but that doesn't mean she should end communication between us just to get in her last two cents. I got annoyed by some of the things she wrote about me, but I didn't say we should end things between us.
Sometimes I do get angry at certain people, but the ones I'm not angry at NEVER understand. It's not even always about people, but sometimes other things. What am I supposed to do? Pretend nothing is wrong? Be in denial? They don't understand that I regret some of the things I do, and then I get angry.. as humans, sometimes we do stupid things.. we ALL do sometimes. Sometimes I just don't understand myself.. I get confused.
What I don't understand about people is that they ASSUME my problems, my reasons to be angry, and yet it doesn't always make sense to them.. yet they believe I'm angry at them. Then they get upset at me. The wrong people get the wrong messages.
They don't understand hard I am on myself, for all my regrets and when I expected things I shouldn't have. When I'm FUCKED UP, I just want EVERYONE to leave me alone.. and that's when I wish nothing ever happened. Days we're angry.. things we regret. Don't we ALL have days like this?
People think I'm not conscientious and never sorry about my anger, but they JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. Sometimes the more they try to understand, the less they do.. and that's when it's best to just leave me alone. Even if they feel they understand, maybe they should keep it to themselves until I approach them. If they want to understand.. the time will come WHEN I feel like sharing it.
I am 28, fat, unemployed, stuck in a loveless marriage, and too financially dependent to leave. I feel like a whore. I don't want to be with him, but he would kick me out. He's threatened to divorce me before and I don't know how I would get by without his income. I am 80K in debt from college. A college "education" in social sciences that has prepared me for nothing. My family is completely negative all of the time so I've stopped talking to them. They make me feel even worse. Nobody thought the marriage would last as long as it has, even me. I fell in love with a former coworker who doesn't love me, but that didn't stop me from making a complete ass of myself and e-mailing him. I try to work out, drink plenty of water, eat right, and so-on, but I just feel fat, worthless and ugly. Nobody really loves me. When I talk to my husband, he is cold, and it makes me feel worse. I have no friends. I used to have one friend, but it turns out that she was a lesbian, and wanted me to be her girlfriend. You know, I thought about it. I am so desperate for love. I want someone to feel that I'm great. I have signed up for all of date-finding websites, but I am unemployed, so I can't pay for their subscriptions. I look at the men and think, maybe he would be nice to me. I'm just stuck here, unable to get motivated. Food used to comfort me, but I'm trying to lose weight. I guess a little piece of me still is holding onto the hope that I could be thin. When I was thin, people were nicer to me, I had a few friends, a job, and someone who truly cared for me. That was 8 years ago. EIGHT years ago. I've been worthless for a long time.
AARRRRGGGHHHH!! What the fuck is wrong with me? Am I so fucking stupid that I can't even get a shitty, low paying job at a fucking supermarket? I must be. Anyone could get a job like that....EXCEPT ME, OF COURSE! For me, applying for a dead end job is like trying to get in to an Ivy League college! I try and I try and I try and get NOWHERE!! Well, I'm done ranting. Time to go hang myself.
Will someone please kill me? I'm 27 and my life is in ruins. I have no job, no future, I'm fucking ugly and stupid, I suffer from insomnia, and I got no one to help me. I have no reason to live, why shouldn't I die? I can't live with the fact that I'm a big fat zilch.
I'm angry because I have wasted $40,000 of my parents money and two years of my life. I couldn't study and do well like everybody else in college, instead I thought it was a better idea to try as many drugs as I could and spend my time jamming with musicians instead of going to the music courses that I was paying for! I am now nothing more than a pathetic loser, drug addict, anxiety ridden fuck up. (But I am a kick ass musician!) All the friends I have are just people to do drugs with, I have taken advantage of my parents and stolen money from them to buy drugs. I am a disgusting mess of a human being, and I hope somebody knocks some fucking sense into me before I flip out and do something drastic.
I am angry at myself for being a shiftless, unemployable failure. I got finished with my bachelor's degree about four months ago and have lived at home ever since, trying to save up money before I go back to graduate school in 2005. During that time I've been laid off from two jobs that have barely paid more than minimum wage while my employers allow my high school 'colleagues' to remain on staff, despite the fact that they've no idea what the fuck they're doing. In the meantime, of course, I've been struggling to find something that pays more than $5.50 / hour with the first payment of my $10,500 in student loans coming up ever so soon.
I graduated magna cum laude (would have been summa if I hadn't studied in a second language, German, at an Austrian university on a pass / fail basis) with lots of diverse experience and plenty of accomplishments listed on my resume. Yet NOT one of the dozens of personnel officers I've contacted has bothered to respond to my application, much less call me for an interview! And it's not as if I'm trying to hit the ground running making $35-$40k a year; I just want full-time employment of some sort that actually (at least somewhat) utilizes my experience and education. Fuck, even seven bucks an hour would sound good at this point.
I have an intelligence quotient well into the ninety-ninth percentile, can do all sorts of gee-whiz stuff with office applications, graphic design programs, and networking software, and have already been accepted into an Ivy League school, yet with all this in mind I cannot find a job that involves anything other than hamburgers or heavy lifting. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?
I wish I knew why I'm so damn stupid. Anything I do, I end up fucking things up royally. I can't even sign a get well card right. I wrote "I hope your feel better" on one once. I'm so stupid it's driving me crazy. I need to be dragged out into the street and get pummeled with rocks.
I am a hopeless, shiftless tub of lard ass. I am fat, stink and weigh over three hundred pounds. I live in a trailer park in West Virginia. I get called white trash hash every time i go into my small town. I wake up around eight, but do not have the strength to find work. I stuff my face with Krispy Kreme. My bowels are noxious due to my awful diet. BASICALLY I AM TOTALLY GROSS. I think I will never have sex, i can't even see my shriveled manhood. I have acne, and need to wear a brace at night to keep my airways open . My family say I am as useful as a piece of shit hinging from my their ass. THAT YOU FOR LISTENING. I now will put an end to my liability of a ticket within this living world. Thank you, goodbye.
I am a sorry sack of human waste who has had trouble finding a job, I have no real talents besides bitching about how fucked up I am. Everyone thinks of me as a blood sucking parasite, no matter what I do to prove them wrong, they'll never stop thinking that way. I can't make things better for myself. I made efforts to but I failed. I am the cause of all my problems and I should do the world a favor by putting myself out of my misery. I apologize to Anger Central and to everyone who visits this website for making you all read this crap.
I hate my body, my mind, and my life, but I'm to damn stupid and to damn lazy to do anything about it. I'm 20 pounds overweight, I 20 seconds to slow, I'm 1 full GPA point under the cutoff, and I'm below the 70th percentile in my graduating class (IF I graduate). I know I have to run more, I know I have to eat less, I know I have to study more and read more, and I know I have to quit playing these damn video games, but when push comes to shove, I won't do any of those things. I'll drink 3+ cans of Pepsi. I'll eat 2 or more cans of Chef Boyardee (800+ calories). I'll play two hours of Metal Gear. Then I get mad when I fail a Physics exam. I get upset and sad when I fail an indoor obstacle course (yes, another graded exam). I am a failure. Worse, I'm a failure with no self control or willpower to change the things that make me so mad at myself.
Oh, but I can't tell anyone. I tell everyone that I made a simple mistake on the obstacle course. I tell people that I made a simple math error on my tests. Everyone thinks I have my act together, but I don't, and that facade makes me even angrier at myself. No one knows the real me or the scope of my failure and despair. I hate me.
I'm damn angry because I'm a damn angry person. This gets in the way of relationships, friendships, and anything that may have a positive impact on my life. I'm always fucking lashing out before I have a chance to intelligently convey my true feelings. The fucked up thing about it is that I'm always stewing all by my damn self until I come to a breaking point. No one ever knows how I feel until I decide to bail out of the situation, when it's too late for any reparations. Unfortunately while my reasons are clear to me, everyone else is left completely baffled like, "What the hell just happened here?" I just do not like to be fucked over. Maybe it's abandonment issues or some psychological shit like that. Fuck. who knows? So anyway, obviously this shit is not healthy.
By the way, I too can not stand men who play fucking mind games. They should all be zapped into oblivion.
I am an amazing failure. I have not had a job for about a year. I cannot even get interviews. I am over thirty and live at home. I see no chance to change this. If I had the money, I would buy a gun to kill myself. I know I can do something, but I cannot see anything good ever happening. I have no friends, no family willing to help, and no network. NOt A SINGLE PERSON CARES FOR ME and there is nothing in my life that I take comfort in.
Aaaaaaaaarrrgh...ive failed my exams. Im too thick to be doing them in the first place, now il spend the rest of my days at burger king, mcdonalds new healthy menu requires employees with an Iq above 64... i cant even cook a salad. i want to die. And i have stuipid hair. no the hair. ishould be locked up ...in a zoo....no...wait...even chimps dont deserve me..and i cant be a hermit cos i dont even know what a hermit is.
I am an over-the-hill loser. I have come to realize that my life has just passed me by. I was never able to better myself because I'm too fucking stupid to even find a simple job. No matter what I did to fix the problems I had, I always failed. I never had any support, no one cares. I can't go on living a life of misery, I should just die. I have no reason to get out of bed in the morning, I have no reason to live at all.
I do the dumbest fucking things like falling in love with unavailable men. Lately I seem to have (name of latest dreamboat deleted) on the brain. I'm pretty sure that he suffers the same problem with me. DAMN IT ALL TO FUCKIN HELL!! if it wasn't for my BF acting like such a bizarre, mental, twisted pain in the ass maybe I wouldn't have this problem. Oh well.
Oh my god. I got in a terrible fight with the person closest to me and was saying terrible things and goading him and he had a FUCKING SEISURE! He's never had seisures before, this is all my doing. it was horrifying and I feel terrible, I feel like I never should have been born. I caused a man to convulse violently due to the sheer evil of my being. Holy shit
Why the fuck do I just sit here on the computer all fucking day? I could have something better to do in my life, but no, Society sucked all the fun out of everything! The media shits churn out news about Bob Geldof and LiveFucking8. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THAT SHIT! IT'S NOT GOING TO MAKE A FUCKING DIFFERENCE! Every day I go to school and sit there on my fucking arse not learning anything! Also, I hate everybody because they all want more and more money. Hell, I want more *VIRTUAL* money, and I'm 13! Why the fuck do those shits ruin everyone's lives? Shits.
Why am I such a twat? Why do I waste time and energy on fucking idiots rather than just enjoying life? Why do I make excuses for peoples behaviour as if the person with is really hurt and confused and doesn't really get the pain they are causing? Bollocks. They are a cunt, full stop. I am angry that I consistently take other people's negative emotions and trun them into my own. I make myself too responsible for other people's unhappiness and not enough for my OWN. I hate the fact that I can't love myself enough to break this cycle. I am angry that this will not stop until I have probably killed myself.
I hate being the only responsible person in this household. I am so fucking sick of doing EVERYTHING. I am sick of doing dishes, putting dishes away, wiping the counters, scrubbing the fucking floors, vacuuming, do ALL the goddamned laundry, making all the beds, cleaning the nasty bathroom and toilets, doing all the grocery shopping, cooking all of the food, planning all of the healthy meals, coordinating family get togethers or social outings, paying all of the bills, managing all of my husband's business bills, running errands, taking out the trash, remembering trash day, keeping lists of things we run out of during the week and stopping after work to pick them up, working out to attempt to stay healthy, putting on makeup, blow drying my hair, shaving my legs, dealing with my screaming whining child 24-7, dealing with all of the motherfuckers in this world that you are forced to deal with, driving with fucking assholes on the road, looking at other people, talking to other people, dealing with my brother and sister in law and their *hard* decision of which million dollar house to buy after his medical residency, my sister and her ego-maniac surgeon boyfriend who is about the most egotistical, self absorbed assmunch one could imagine, talking to mother 3-4 times a day and pretending to be interested in hearing details of her last bowel movement and what exactly she is watching on television at this exact moment, worrying about if we have enough money to buy groceries, worrying about our future and how we will take care of ourselves someday with zero savings, taking care of my husband's endless shoulder surgeries (can't admit he just might be getting older and suffer with arthritis--oh hell no, lets just keep having MRI's and surgeries done repeatedly to fix something that can't be fixed, but thats OK, SOMEHOW we'll pay for all of it), getting A's in all of my classes and getting into grad school in the fall. I'm sick to fucking death of it all. I guess I could have summarized this all in one short phrase "I hate (my) life". And don't you bastards reading this sit there and say, "well why don't you do something about it then", I would if I could, but I CAN'T. I AM STUCK IN IT. I can only manage all of the bad decisions I've made and deal with the consequences. No do-overs in life. One shot, and I've royally fucked mine up, now I'm in my mid-30's and the other half of my life is going into the shitter even more. I didn't sign up for this life man. I'm so fucking over it. Nothing makes it better. Nothing. Not sleeping with another man, not therapy, not pills, not drinking, not smoking pot or doing coke, not having a kid, not your *supposed* friends or coworkers who all give not a shit about you really, not paying off your credit cards and then charging them back up again, not losing 10 lbs, not looking beautiful or having perfect makeup and hair and the right clothes. Not believing in yourself, not having a backbone and standing up for the truth, not following the masses, not having an opinion. Not your husband. NOTHING. I would like to exit this world but unfortunately I become too involved in the details and the consequences and feel too guilt ridden and worried (worry: what a fucking useless emotion) to do it. I want to wake up from this bad dream. I just wish I never would have been born. Out of the 6-700 sperm possible the night I was conceived, it had to be me who got created.
I am angry b/c I thought good relationships happened if you were good. How cluelessly immature. I wasted much of my life working in my field, waiting, going to church, pining for attention from good guys that passed me up. I became lonelier and lonelier until I was so afraid and angry I chose a loser who raped me when I tried to leave him two years later.
I was still caught up in wanting the experience of a wedding and insisted we get married for the beloved rape-child. What a nightmare. Thankfully I miscarried, though not til after the wedding. 6 months later divorced. I am so angry because his familiy does not know truth.
I am angry at myself. I am angry because I just finished my second degree, have a fantastic partner, a wonderful family and a decent job but Im so unmotivated. Every night I come home from work and do nothing. I have been given everything, most of it I do not deserve. So what do I do? Nothing, chat on line, watch tv, complain and treat my partner disrespectfully. Im angry at myself and I take it out on him. I pick on the way he looks, his job, his boring life because I dont like the way I look, I dont like my job and I hate my boring life.
Im disgusted that I could be so much more than I am. My frustration at my apathy makes me even more immobile. So to me, smarten the fuck up. Hold your head up high, have fun, appreciate your boyfriend, appreciate your job, know that you can, you have and you will.
I am so damn angry at myself.
First and foremost would be my looks and physique. I'm a fucking ugly beanpole. 6 foot 4 inches tall, but look like a fucking anorexic. If I try to eat more, I just shit more. When you are skinny, you have very little muscle as well. Hell, most women have bigger arms than I do. Who wants to have a relationship with an 18 year old that could probably get his ass kicked by someone in middle school. It's pretty damn embarrassing when you go to the gym and stuggle after a couple repetitions of 60lbs. My figure is so awkward. No clothes fucking fit right, and I walk and stand weird because I'm all bones and have no meat for support. My adam's apple sticks way out because I have no meat on my neck. I only weigh 140, which puts me at 20lbs underweight for my height! I want to be atleast 200lbs, so that I might look somewhat normal. Oh, and about clothes, shirts stick way out on both sides, and because of my height I have to get longer pants which have waist sizes of 34 and shit, but I have like a 29 inch waist. These pants look extremely wide and I feel like a fucking clown. I haven't even got to my ugly ass face yet!
It's enough to have a wussy physique, but even my face is wussy looking. You could put my face on bodybuilder holding a shotgun, and people wouldn't be afraid. Atleast my face isn't stereotypically nerd looking, but still I look like a pussy. I have thick eyebrows which piss me off and I can't wax them or anything because I'm a guy. My hair is always fucking frizzy. It fucking sucks. Maybe I should become a composer or a philospher, they usually have that pussy-like look to them. Historians and Scientists also come to mind.
My luck with women always angers me. The women who usually have the courage to ask me out are fat and ugly which sucks. I mean what can I expect, I'm ugly. I once had an extremely good looking girl ask me out to see a movie called bedazzled back in ninth fucking grade. You know what I said? "I don't want to see that movie." She took that as a "No" that I never talked to me again. I couldn't gather the courage to ask her myself knowing for a fact that she liked me. Pussy in looks, pussy in mind. Also, I have had a couple of crushes in my life, and I never ask them out because I'm too afraid. Then like a year later I find out that they liked me as well, but now have a boyfriend. If I would of just fucking asked them months ago I would be pretty damn happy. For instance this one good looking girl I had a crush on sat next to me in math. The whole year she would talk to me and shit, but I would never ask her out, even when I found out that she had been asking my sister about me. I find out a couple months later when talking to a mutual friend between her and me how much I liked her that I found out she liked me as well, but now has a boyfriend. This has happened 2 or 3 times and when these 1 in a million chances arise I always fuck up.
I haven't even gotten to my personality. I'm that kid that sits in your classroom the whole year but never talks to anyone. I have such an anti-personality that even when people try to talk to me I don't have anything to say. "How was your weekend?" Good. "So, what did you do?" Nothing. "...ok, well I'll talk to you later!" They don't talk to me later, and I can see why... I'm so boring, and don't have any kind of life worth noting. Because of such little interaction with people my social skills are pretty bad. It's so awkward to talk since I hardly ever do it. It just fucking feels weird, and because I hardly use my voice, I don't even know how to use it right. I can't talk to anyone unless they ask me a direct question, I just can't. I'm so incredibly nervous that I just prefer not to say anything. What am I supposed to say? I spend my days on this computer reading forums and what not. I don't have any hobbies to speak of. I listen to music no one else listens to, have beliefs no one else has, and just flat out don't do anything. I am nothing.
If I weren't in college I probably would never leave the house. I'm in my second semester, and I only have two "friends" one who is some extreme christian trying to convert me from being pretty much an athiest to his christian beliefs. I hate him, but I don't have the courage to get him to leave me alone. The other is another one of these extreme christians. He, however, is a phsychology major, and is always fucking interrogating me. Trying to tell me all my problems are because I don't believe in God. I hate both these assholes and wish they would just leave me the fuck alone. Funny, I want friends who share my interest, but I don't have any interests.
I fucking hate my work ethic. I'm of average intelligence I suppose, but I have no work ethic. Only when the work absolutely HAS to be done will I start. Like right now I have to write a program for my c# class and write a research paper, and somehow learn and write enough information to participate in this debate I have to fucking do. That is what gets me extremely nervous, in front of like 100 people arguing for something I don't give a shit about against somebody who will probably tear my argument into peices. The first two are due in 4 days and the other in 6. I will probably get decent grades on the first two, but definitely not what I should be getting if I actually had some work ethic. I don't know how I am to complete the debate with my social skills. Things like this make me want to get in my truck and just drive as far way from here as I can. BUT, I never had a real job in my life, so I don't have any money for gas. I'm so sad... My parents pay for my insurance, and my gas. They even pay for my education, food, and I still live with them even though I'm a supposed "adult" (18yo). Atleast I made it into a state university and didn't end up in some community college. What is even sadder is I can't find enough motivation to change. I'll be some guy with a bachelor's in computer science, but still won't have a job, and probably live with my parents still. For hobbies, I once took up guitar, even got my parents to get me a nice one for christmas - a Gibson SG Standard, but I never found the motivation to ever learn how to play it. I actually started to view it as "work" and tried to avoid practicing as much as possible. I try to forget I ever owned one by putting it and the amp in the closet. Just another failure, but I don't need to have it out as a reminder. I also thought I could get in with the "nerd" crowd by getting into video games. I can play games for like 2-3 hours and then I get bored and never touch them again. I try to get in enough game time to even make friends on fucking online gaming forums, but I am just not hardcore enough to fit in. I like to browse these forums and I actually envy these losers because atleast they are having fun in life. I tried to get involved in some online forums for the music I like, but even my internet social skills are absolutely horrible. I seem to adopt the personality I have in the real world, i.e don't ever post and just read what other people have to say.
Why don't I just kill myself? Family. I have too much loyalty to my parents to do that because I know it will hurt them really bad if I killed myself. I have the means, I know where they hide the 12 guage, and where the 9mm handgun is. I have access to all sorts of medication that I could OD on, but I just can't do that to my family. I also try to get through college for them as well. That is all they ask of me. "Please get through college...FOR US!" I owe it to them. I am just trying to get through life as long as they live. Once they die, I will also die. My parents actually think that I am happy, and that I have friends, and goals, but that is an act I play when at home. I act like a normal person in front of them, so as not to put added stress on their lives. I crack jokes and make up stories that happened to me, or grossly exaggerate them in order to keep them happy.
I didn't ask to be born, nor did I ask to look like this, or have such a personality, and that makes me angry. I don't expect anyone to care, however, and wrote this in the hopes that maybe in 10 years I'll come across this angst that I wrote and laugh. Hell, maybe I'll even have forgotten I even wrote it and say something like "Haha, glad I'm not this loser!" ...or maybe I'll be buried, and nobody will even remember I existed.
You might be tempted to believe that I am EMO or a GOTH, but I am not even at their level, and that truly is sad. At least EMO's and GOTH's have people they fit in with. I'm all alone.
I am mad at myself because i'm unfair to ME. I have been born with everything - pretty looks,a sense of humor, intelligence and the most important - COMMON SENSE. I also have an ability to read people. So what's the problem?I DON'T KNOW ! I just can't seem to make the best of these things. At school or class or ANYWHERE I GO , the 'cool' crowd comes up to me....And what do i do? I SHUN THEM !! AUTOMATICALLY!!Then i go sit with one or two of the 'unaccepted' crowd who i REALLY don't fit in with.
End result - the people who came up to me at first are confused but can't even make fun of me (there's nothing they can tease me about) and the people that i chose (for reasons unknown to me) don't totally open up to me either cause they see me as the kind of person who makes fun of them (and i never have)!! It's really frustrating. I don't know WHY i'm so bent upon self-destruction. I'm sad, lonely & wasting my life.
Im VERY angry at myself. I have no self-discipline. Everything I do seems to never work or turn out good. I try hard but end up giving in to temptations. Im not fat, thanks to my metabolism, but if I dont start creating better habits for myself I will just start packing on the pounds. I was to be a size 0 or 00 (haha, in my dreams), or atleast stay a size 5 and stop having to switch sizes every month because I cant stop stuffing my damn face! Sure - Im 14, Ive got time to change, but think realisticly. IM GOING TO BE A BIG, FATTIE, OBEASE ADULT IF I CANT PUT THE GODDAMN CHIPS DOWN FOR A SECOND! Whoever thought "Hey, I think Ill make foods with sugar and fatty fatness 'cuz it tastes good" needs to go to hell and burn and burn and burn because all this damn food is ruining my mental health and my LIIIIFEEE! If I could lose all this fat all my problems would be solved. But, Im Jessica H. I have no self-discipline and am destined to live the life as "that fat girl". I just want to say thank you to myself for RUINING MY GODDAMN LIFE!
I LEFT MY HUSBAND 2 MONTHS AGO, FOR SEVERAL REASONS, HE PROMISED TO MAKE THE NECESSARY CHANGES, HE WAS TRUE TO THE PROMISES LIKE CONTROLLING HIS TEMPER,COUNCELLING,PATIENCE WITH THE KIDS, LETTING ME HAVE A LIFE, LIKE A JOB AND SOCIAL LIFE, HE KEPT THESE PROMISES FOR 2 MONTHS ONLY, NOW THERE IS NO SECOND JOB, NO PATIENCE, NO KINDNESS AND QUITE FRANKLY NO LOVE, I AM SO MAD AT MYSELF FOR COMING BACK, I FELL FOR THE CRYING, THE TEARS, AND PROMISES, NOW I WISH I COULD LEAVE AND NOT COME BACK.
*Note from Anger Central
Placed in this section since it appears the poster is mad at herself.
Suggestion: Open door, walk out, don't look back.
Im angry because i let people walk all over me and there are so many things i want to say to them... i hate myself because im so bloody ugly and im just wasting away thinking about the past when i should be living in the present and focusing on the future, things would be much better if i wasnt here im just a waste of space and a waste of time.
I Fucking hate myself I let everyone shit on me coz i'm too fucking weak and pathetic to defend my sad shit self. I used to work as a Pizza delivery boy until some shit head gang car jacked me and totally fucked my Honda Civic. I lost my job and i'm stuck with a smashed civic and no job because I cant get one because i'm a total fuck up. It makes me so mad because I spent all of my inheritance on this once amazing civic and I should of known it would fuck up because everything always does for bastard me. I'm a pathetic scrawny 18 year old with no prospects, and everyone either hates me or shits on me, and i'm so damn nice to them, life makes me sick. I hope the little car jacking fucks get ass raped in the showers and die slowly and painfully.
I am a fat, ugly, worthless piece of shit. I have no good qualities or talents. People walk all over me and talk bad about me. It is all true what they say, every bit of it. I fail at everything that I do and no one can stand to be around me. Hell, I can't even stand to be around me. My kids will even hate me when they grow up. I hate being this big ass failure and being so stupid and slow. I don't stick up for myself until it is too late. I am aways explaining myself and all of my actions so that the next person won't think that I am a bad person. I am tired of it all. I hate myself and the choices that I make in life. I want to do right by me and my kids but all I do is fail.
I fucking hate the fact that I'm so hardworking, good-looking and nice to people, but yet women seem to ignore me. GODAMNIT, I'm 18 and strive to do my best at everything I do! FUCK, I even have a fucking 8000 dollar scholarship to University that I worked my ass off for! I've also got a great BODY, and not a stupid "slim and trim" body, but a fucking ripped, bulky body that my friends always ask how I got. I'm nice to every woman I meet and treat them with courtesy and respect, but do they see me as a potential boyfriend? NO, they see me as an attractive single person who will one day find that "special person". Well that's fucking great, seeing as how I've never had a fucking girlfriend. What's even more fucking annoying is watching even the “lesser” guys get girls while I sit on the sidelines feeling depressed and hating myself due to the fact that all my fucking hard work both physically and mentally hasn't paid off in the fucking relationship department. Godamnit, I'll work even harder, and recluse myself into both sexual and emotional repression and SHOW YOU ALL one day what a great guy you let go to waste! I'LL SHOW YOU ALL! In the meantime I’ll continue hating myself because since I don’t get drunk, do drugs, or treat women poorly, I’m obviously not that attractive. :( FUCK you don’t know how angry I am!
PS. I’m only angry on the inside, outside I retain my calm, cool and collect manner........for now.........(clenches teeth and starts growling)
i'm angry because i'm a stupid fucking loser who can't cope with life. i'm skinny, terrible with women and my job prospects are bleak. at 23 years of age, i find myself living with mummy and being financially bailed out by her once again. what a pathetic mama's boy i am. i don't want to see anybody anymore because i'm an embarrassment to myself. instead, i sit around doing nothing all day. just started taking prozac to try to pick myself up. i'd be better off dead!
WTF IS THE MATTER WITH ME? I am so anti-social. I can't even
have a damn conversation. Dear lord.
I'm young, stupid, and fat. Not like a tree trunk smothered in butter kind of fat. But I could stand to lose 10 lbs without looking too thin.
And why am I so damn weird all the time? I never say anything, and when I do, it's stupid. Why can't I just shut up? Do I really HAVE to say anything about factory farming or Nelson Mandela? NOBODY YOUR AGE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT THESE THINGS, HONEY. THEY WANT TO EAT NONFAT YOGURT AND SHAVE THEIR LEGS. THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT ETHICAL RELATIVISM. Jesus Christ. I'm such a loser.
I am so freaking angry at everything. I have debts no honest man can pay; I have a 6.5 yr old autistic son and my job is to close factories. I'm overweight and balding. I'm mostly pissed off at myself for getting into this position
i can't stand this anymore. Its to fucking hard to go on. I'm only 18 and i know i have my whole life in head of me but i don't feel that i want to even continue on with it. My parents hate me because of my boyfriend. I love him dearly. i'm so fat, ugly, and stupid that i don't even know why hes still with me. I have no job, its not that i don't apply, i do, but its to hard to balance everything. College, parents, boyfriend, job, social life. It fuckin sucks. Everything i do.. i either screw it up or let someone down. I can't win. I'm so ready to pull the trigger.. give up.. just quit. But my conscience won't let me. I keep thinking if i kill myself then i would be letting everyone down.. and i hate doing that yet i seem to do it all the time. i hate walking around college seeing all these skinny PRETTY girls, who look all cute in there new close that there parents bought them and there new cars that DADDY spent a fortune on. Its rediculous. i feel like i have no friends cuz i don't spend enough time trying to make one. i hate living i honestly think it would be easier just to give up. I feel like a wasted life. Like God wasted his time putting me here. Its to hard for me.
I'm 29, I'm not where I want to be in my life. I'm struggling to survive and I'm not getting any help at all. I've tried to make things better for myself by going back to college but it's not working out. I can't go on living like this. I'm not young anymore, I don't have my whole life ahead of me. I wasted so many years of my life just trying to eek out a living but to no avail. I'm not happy, I just want to die.
*Note from Anger Central
Join the Marines. They'll straighten you out in no time...Or kill you trying to. ;)
I'm the biggest procrastinating jackass on the face of the planet. This whole day I planned to actually do school work. I did some absent work and then proceeded to waste hours upon hours of time.
Why can't I just fucking focus on school work without being distracted by the internet or some worthless video game? Its become some sort of terrible habit. I just naturally waste hour upon hour of my life. I have so much work due tomorrow, but it seems like I don't even care.
I'm just some worthless friggin' drone with no control over my habits. Why can't I just do stuff when I should and not at the last friggin' minute. I even enjoy getting stuff done early, if I ever do, but I still just keep procrastinating. I need a professional help.
*Note from Anger Central
Sounds like you might have a slight case of to much television and extreme boredom. The Educrats like to call it Attention Deficit Disorder, but in 99% of the cases it's simple boredom and youth. You just need to force yourself to do your school work. Unplug the play station and pack it away. Delete the PC games and if you don't need it for your school work, shut off the computer. Try using that ancient method of information searching called the Public Library. (Don't use their terminals if they have them) We're guessing that you're just getting into your teen years now. One of the big problems is the hormonal changes raging through you. Just make sure the Educrats don't try and force your family to shove Ritalin down your throat. Believe us when we say it will get better, probably when you hit 40 or so. ;)
I am so fucking brain dead that I cannot even get a god damn job at a McDonald's. I have been looking for a job for three months, and to know that I'm not even good enough to get a job that any frigging pimply faced 16 year old poser asshole can get, makes me suicidal. I'm too stupid to even live.
I am angry at myself. I have a good family who loves me, live in a good house in a good neighborhood and I go to a pretty good school (even though it's really far away.) But I always feel so sad and lonely. My friends are good people but I don't like listening to them. I would rather read a book than listen to them talk about who likes who. I also hate it when they walk around to looks at boys or chase after them.
I'm ashamed to say but I have social anxiety and because of it I hate going to school. I get nervous too easily and sometimes I just want to lay down my head to rest. I'm also overweight and I hate that I doubt myself if I can really lose weight. Deep down I know I can and I need to stop thinking this way. Maybe it's the raging hormones but someday I hope I stop feeling like this. I want to be happy and I believe someday I can be.
Thanks for letting me vent.
For the love of God, all I ever do is fucking screw myself over in any and all emotional situations. I am overly sensitive, sarcastic, and an all around idiot. I have book smarts but have virtually no people smarts. I am attracted to losers and crushed on a man twenty years my senior who studies things that lived so fucking long ago that sometimes, I think, who the hell even gives a shit? It doesn't exist anymore? How the hell does it even benefit frickin' humanity? And why the hell am I even ranting about that? Because I myself am a loser! I should just run off, get myself a box and live in it; maybe further ostracize myself from society and join a colony of losers or lepers; whichever is easier to find and it will probably be the first considering the state that this country is in. GOD! Why am I attracted to what I cannot have? I would say "Fuck me," but usually, there's some loser around who thinks that a clever retaliation consists of, "When, where, and how?"
To start off, I don't think I'm that ugly of a guy. I get compliments from my mother and her friends all of the time. Every time I'm at her house with her and her reading group I get a high self esteem thinking I actually am good looking, which inspired me to go and ask that girl that I'll be really digging at the time out on a date. Oh man.
Every time I do that the girl will just laugh at me, then walk away. It happens all the time. A good example of this is on my birthday last month. I was with my mother and her friends the night before, with them all telling me how cute I was and shit. So i'm like "hell yeah. I think my birthday present to myself will be a date". So I go and ask Jillian, the girl I like, out. On my own birthday, she laughs so hard that she has to call three of her friends and tell them that I asked them out, with me just standing there in tears. I stayed in my room for the rest of the day, spanking it and listening to Jack Johnson. Happy Birthday to me.
one day i am gonna go out with a gun and shoot everyone on this fucking goddamn planet. shit day, totally.
so i break up with my GF bout a week ago, so she decides she needs to talk a load of shit about me behind my fucking back. it wouldnt matter, i dont care, but they were all fucking LIES.
then later in school, a teacher decides that fo all 32pple in the class she needs to pick on me. she had a go at me, i did NOTHING. i sat there taking it for about 5minutes and she kept on going, then she started making suggestions about how i should run my personal life, its none of her fucking bussiness, is it? she just kept going, i told her to "shut up, you are annoying me and i stopped listning about an hour ago anyway." so, its neccaserry to give me a tadel for that? a fucking letter home, and 5 fucking hours after school.
so i get home and guess what? my mum decided not to go to work. fucking hell, we only just moved in at this town like 2months ago, we need the fucking money. also, i was looking forward to getting some rest, but my mum needs to have a go at me, for NOTHING.
so i go outside with my m8s, smoke some hookah (no drugs, just flavored tabbacco), and they decide they need to start talking shit about the guys that werent there. i didnt say anything cause i didnt want a fallout, but that pissed me off 2.
then at about 8 my other m8s come round and ask if im coming out. i did, we went and smoked some more hookah, then we went round one of there houses. he turns on his computer, has a damned fucking virus. im pretty handy with computers so i deleted it for him. due to that i got home about 15mins late.
of course, this is to much and my mum decides its nessacary 2 punish me and ground me for 2moro. fuck that, ill be outside anyway.
so the day is coming to an end and it looks like ima go to bed and not be ble to sleep cause im to fucking pissed off. also some bitch that i really dont care about has started talking to me on MSN, i really dont feel like pretending to like anyone today. FUCK THIS!!!!!
*Note from Anger Central
When we saw the line at the beginning regarding getting a gun and shooting up things, we almost bit bucketed this post. Then we read through it.
Kid, find someone you can talk to. We're guessing you're between 14-17 years old, and we know what you are going through. (Been there, done that, got the scars to prove it. 2 stitches upper lip, 5 stitches left wrist, 5 stitches forehead. Don't ask)
Do NOT even kid about going on a shooting spree! We can't track this back, but if we could we would probably pick up the phone and call you directly. Since we can't, we're going to rely on one of our notes. Just ride it out. Go to "Your happy place" and ignore things. The Webmaster wishes he had someone when he was your age to help him out
Oh, you might want to bury yourself in books. Not to be to critical, but your spelling needs a little work. Remember, the library is your friend! Cheaper then video games too. ;)
We know life looks like crap right now, but believe it or not, it does get better. The Webmaster found Mrs. Webmaster and even thought he doesn't have a job at this moment, he feels great whenever he's around her.
Think about traveling to faraway places
when you're old enough. The Webmaster has been to China, The Angry Brother is
taking his family to Scotland, and the Angry sister & brother in-law travel all
over the place.
We hope these thoughts help you out. Good luck!
I'm a successful person, I own a corporation, have a beautiful family, gorgeous home but over the past I don't know how many years, have allowed myself to become a cow. Absolutely. I'm 5'3" and recently weighed in at 284lbs. Moo. Didn't realize it, still don't think I do because I don't define myself by my weight, I don't lumber, I don't waddle, but then again, maybe I just don't see it. I started attending a diet clinic almost 2 weeks ago, and I've done well, I've lost 18lbs. Which for under two weeks is excellent. And the diet is tight, restrictive, but how could I possibly complain when I'm losing huge amounts of weight? I meet these other women and some men at the clinic and they complain, oh I can't eat any good food blah blah, it's sucks me out energy wise to listen to them bitch. Look, we're all here for a common purpose, to lose weight because we're a herd of cows, I don't want to hear about you cheated and your cravings and your whining. I started reading this site to motivate myself. I agree with most of it, although I don't think I smell bad lol. I use givenchy baby lmao. But I get it, and why do people come on here trying to defend obesity as a disease? Are you kidding me? The only reason I'm a huge mega cow right now is because I ate and ate and ate and didn't shift my ass. No exercise and food. Obesity is absolutely self inflicted. I'm the only lard ass in my family, it's not genetic. People defend themselves saying... oh well.. everyone in my family is big. IT'S BECAUSE YOU LEARN THE BEHAVIOUR. YOU SEE THEM STUFF THEMSELVES AND YOU DO THE SAME. It's not genetics, sweetheart, believe me, its not.
I'm on the road to better health, I'm doing it and I'm friggen smiling about it all the way. Go on a diet, it feels so good to get on that scale every morning and know you've lost some weight. Get help if you have to, but enough of the excuses. My own body is making me sick right now, both aesthetically and physically because I am so FAT, like a moose, or a cow, or another herd style animal. And it's not genetics, it's not because I eat like a bird, it's because of the same reason that everyone else is fat. Too much food, not enough shifting of the body.
What a futile waste of fucking space I am. You'd think after 30 years on the planet I'd have picked up the basics of human communication, be able to hold a conversation with someone I've just met without seeing them visibly shrink away from the weirdness that comes from the falseness of just trying SO fucking hard to fit in and keep EVERYBODY HAPPY so they like you, or at THE VERY LEAST tolerate you. Where's the line between being exactly who you are and changing yourself to fit in with those around you? Is it better to pretend and maintain the status quo or fuck the lot of 'em and do your own thing, at the risk of losing friends, face and respect? God damn. If I wasn't so sure the real me's a pretty unlikeable character I'd just go for it. If only I wasn't so much of a whining, self-obsessed, pointless, cowardly shit of a human being who knows what could be achieved. Peace and love.
I am an idiot. I was married, happily. I had a daughter (beautiful). He adored me I adored him. I told myself I outgrew him. I wanted excitement and I wanted more. I wanted to move to the coast and I wanted him to come with me. We had it all planned and at the last minute he changed his mind. Our daughter and I moved and he stayed. I should have stayed too. I met someone who was rich and exciting and fun to be with. He had his home and I had mine. He was a lazy selfish slob, but it didn't matter because he stayed in his house and I stayed in mine and we only had fun on the weekend. The I fell pregnant. I told myself it would be fine. Our son is beautiful, but my partner is horrible. He has no respect for me, he is selfish, he has decided to move in to be with our son, he love his boy but not me. He calls me a piece of shit and he treats me like one. i hate my life. I have considered suicide but I have two beautiful babies that keep me alive. Every night I pray that life will get better, but it doesn't. My friend avoid me because of him, I am so alone. I'm an idiot. I don't think I will ever be happy again.
I AM PEED OFF FROM A LIFETIME OF PEOPLE STARING AT ME LIKE I AM A CIRCUS FREAK .MY SELF IMAGE IS FULLY CORRUPT FROM OTHER PEOPLE.I'M A SHY ANTISOCIAL INHIBITED PERSON I'M NOT OVERLY PRETTY OR UGLY EITHER BUT I ADMIT MY EYES ARE SQUINTY OR ARE DIFFERENT KIND OF SLANTY.I HAVE BLOND HAIR AND EVERYONE ASKS ME WHAT NATIONALITY I AM.I'VE BEEN CALLED EVERYTHING FROM BARBIE TO HEIDI TO AND ARE YOU PART CHINESE ? TO A COW TOOTHED B...T CH BECAUSE I HAVE SPACES BETWEEN MY TEETH.A WOMAN PUT A CIGARETTE OUT ON MY HAND AND SAID I LOOKED LIKE A BARBIE DOLL WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ERASE MYSELF TO GET PEOPLE TO STOP TREATING ME LIKE A THING AND NOT A HUMAN BEING.ANOTHER PERSON SAID THEY DIDN'T LIKE BLOND HAIRED BLUE EYED PEOPLE.OTHER PEOPLE SAID I GET TARGETED BECAUSE I LOOK VULNERABLE.AT SEVENTEEN SOMEONE SAID I LOOKED LIKE I HAD BEEN F...D A THOUSAND TIMES.NO ONE WOULD SIT WITH ME IN THE LUNCHROOM HOW CRUEL IS THAT.I GOT SO SICK OF IT SO ONCE I DELIBERATELY DID STUFF TO MY APPEARANCE TO SEE IF THEY WOULD STOP SAYING CERTAIN THINGS.THEY DID.SOMEONE CALLED ME A HERMAPHRODITE BECAUSE I ANGRILLY SHAVED OFF ALL MY HAIR BECAUSE OF DUMB BLOND JOKES THAT HURT MY FEELINGS.THAT WAS WHEN I ENDED UP ON WELFARE BECAUSE SOCIETY SCARED ME OUT OF THE WORK FORCE WITH THEIR CRUEL COMMENTS.MY BOSS ASKED ME IF I HAD ANY COMMON SENSE SO I QUIT.AT A WAITRESSING JOB THE OTHER GIRLS SAID I WAS DUMB SO I QUIT.ANOTHER JOB THE BOSS PUT HIS HAND UP MY SKIRT SAYING I DESERVED IT FOR DRESSING SEXUAL WHICH WAS NOT THE CASE BLACK SKIRT NYLONS DRESSSHOES ?.MY RUGBY COACH TOLD ME I HAD THE NICEST BUTT ON THE TEAM LIKE I WANTED TO KNOW THAT..DYED MY HAIR BLUE AND I THOUGHT OF PUNKING UP MY HAIR AND GETTING A MOHAWK SO THEN IT WOULD MAKE SENSE IF THEY STARED.I DYED MY HAIR BLACK SO THEY WOULD STOP CALLING ME DUMB BLOND..THEN I JUST WENT BACK TO A PLAIN STYLE AND IT WAS THE SAME.ONEPERSON SAID I HAD NO STYLE THEN THE NEXT TOLD ME TO BE A FASHION DESIGNER..THEY STARED ALMOST AS MUCH AS THEY DID WHEN MY HAIR WAS BLUE.I WONDER IF I AM UGLY AND NOONE IS TELLING ME THE TRUTH.THE CONFUSION IS WHEN MEN CHASE ME ALL OVER THE PLACE STALKING ME AND SENDING ME CARDS CONFESSING THEIR UNDYING LOVE I THINK WELL I MUST NOT BE UGLY...I THINK I AM ONE OF THOSE FREAKS THAT IS UGLY FROM CERTAIN ANGLES BUT GENERALLY PRETTY.IT HAS BECOME MY FOCUS FROM PEOPLE CONSTANTLY OPENLY TALKING ABOUT MY APPEARANCE .THE GOOD THE BAD.EVEN STRANGERS SAY THINGS TO ME ABOUT MY LOOKS OUT OF THE BLUE IN A RESTAURANT OR COFFEE LINEUP.I HATE IT SO MUCH I DEVELOPED A PHOBIA OF GOING OUT IN PUBLIC.ONE PERSON SAID "YOU ARE UNIQUE LOOKING."..BLAH BLAH...THANKS ALOT YOU J KS."ARE YOU SWEDISH?"THEY ASKED MANY TIMES I AM NOW PSYCHOLOGICALLY SCARRED FOR LIFE.I CAN'T EVEN GO OUT UNLESS I SPEND AN HOUR PSYCHING MYSELF UP READY FOR SOMEONE TEASING ME FOR SOMETHING I AM DOING WEARING OR MY HAIR OR WHATEVER.I LOOK BACK..YOU ARE STILL LOOKING I LOOK AWAY YOU ARE STILL LOOKING WITH A LOOK LIKE I AM NOT REALLY A PERSON.PLEASE LOOK AT SOMEONE ELSE I AM TIRED OF BEING YOUR FREE ENTERTAINMENT.IF I STARE BACK YOU STILL STARE.IF I LOOK AWAY YOU LOOK AT THE SIDE OF MY HEAD.IF I TURN MY BACK YOU STARE AT MY BACK...I KNOW BECAUSE I CAN FEEL YOUR EYES IN MY BACK AND WHEN I TURN AROUND TO LOOK YOU ARE STILL STARING.WHEN TEENAGE GIRLS SNICKER AT ME ITS A NIGHTMARE.I USUALLY HIDE WHEN I SEE A GROUP THAT LOOK LIKE THEY WILL DO THAT TO ME AND I SHOULD BE FREE FROM TEASING AT THIRTY SEVEN BUT I STILL GET TOLD I LOOK TWENTY EIGHT WHICH IS ALSO SO ANNOYING I WANT TO GET REALLY OLD AND DIE SOONER.I HAVE BEEN DRIVEN TO DESPAIR.DONT WORRY THOUGH I WILL GET OVER IT ONE DAY.ONE TIME TWENTY YEARS AGO I DID ACID AND LOOKED IN THE MIRROR AND MY FACE KEPT FLIPPINGBACK AND FORTH BETWEEN UGLY AND PRETTY.I'M ANGRY BECAUSE I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHO I AM.BUT I KNOW FOR SURE I AM A MESS.
*Note from Anger Central
The Webmaster has a friend who can fix that caps lock problem for you. :/
It seems as if I can't do anything right. All day long I do everything I'm told and over perfect it, and then when I question someone about something that I wish to partake in, I am shot down every time. I am a prisoner in my own house. The love of my so called life was forced to break up with me for the fear of underage dating which his mother enforced with a mighty fist. My mother makes my life worse day by day, giving me enough verbal abuse to make a child services officer quake in their boots. It seems I scream my lungs out trying in vain to defend what confidence I have left and all I end up is in tears crying on my bedroom floor. Because of personal reason, I cannot leave my house yet. I need to wait a few years. I am planning to run though, to where is still in question. I can't do anything right anymore because I have no confidence in my abilities anymore. Everyone says that I am smart, a straight A student with perfect attendance, but I beg to differ with their assumptions. If I was so smart, how did I end up in this mess??
Why do you have to be all romantic and shit when I just want to be friends? I just wanted to be friends with my neighbor and he has to keep being like "Can I kiss You?" over and over again so I finally give in and realize that he's a great kisser, but he doesn't even know me. Then kissing makes me think about sex and I like him because he a great friend and really shy and scared-- makes me trust him. Makes me think he's a nice guy. He tells me all this romantic bullshit in Houston while I'm in Austin and wanting to be my boyfriend. Then comes back and treats me like some girl he's just sleeping with and tells me we can't have a relationship because we're neighbors. Fucking dickhead. I feel even worse because I fell for it! I fell for all that romantic bullshit! Why can't guys just say Hey! Can I have sex with you?! Instead of convincing me that he's in love and we belong together and all that bullshit. I hate being a woman! I hate having this biological need that is only satisfied by more need. I don't want to want a fucking relationship! I want to be able to fuck everyone and never feel a tinge of feeling. I want to be able to sample the all the worldly delights like men. But no! because I'm going to age into insignificance and I am forever going to be treated like an object! A thing! And someday I'm going to be nothing! Because I will no longer be beautiful. Men have fucking forever to decide who they want to be with. Men have it so fucking easy! They don't have to worry about kids, or worry about aging or have to deal with the onset of disturbing obsessive emotions after the act of sex. And men say " Why don't you just wait to have sex with a great man?" because it doesn't matter how long you wait to have sex. He will end up taking a woman for granted because he has achieved his goal. Fuck and Run! No wonder there are so many whores and psychotic bitches in the world. I just wish that I didn't give a fuck.
Looking at turning 31 in couple months. I don't hang out, since it's difficult to do so having no friends. I've never dated in my life. Never kissed a girl. Never hugged a girl. Social deficiency is an understatement. Doesn't help that I'm fat and ugly. I always punish myself by thinking that...maybe I'm not ugly, that I'm being overly sensitive. Then I try to spark up a conversation with girls, and I can clearly see the revulsion in their mannerism. They want nothing but to end the conversation and get the hell away from me.
I live in my parents home (surprise!), don't have a job. I go to community college...on my 5th year. But 5 years of waste. I can't hold a job with the degree of knowledge I have gotten the 5 years I've been going to college.
It's the same thing I do everyday. If it's not gaming 7 hours a day, it's surfing the net 7 hours a day. Or it's staring blankly at nothing 7 hours a day. Productivity is nigh impossible. I promised myself that I'd do this one thing to better my life 4 years ago. At first, I told myself I'd do it...next week. Next week arrived, I pushed my resolve to next month. Next month turns into yet another month. Until today, over 4 years later, I still haven't done it.
I'm not sure if I'm angry, to be honest. It's the numbness I feel now. Kind of reassuring familiarity of wasting my life. Like I'm suppose to be this waste of human life that I am.
If I wasn't so chicken shit, I'd have killed myself long ago and never let myself setting into this hole I've dug.
I'm so sick of everything!! I don't wanna live anymore. I try so damn hard to fit in with the world. When things go good they end up getting fucked up later. I make friends with the wrong people and let them walk all over me. FUCK!!! I try to get the eyes of guys who are out of reach (the popular jocks) but they can't even look twice at me seeing as their eyes are glued to the fucken stick figures of the school and the fact that i'm a quiet outcast. Man everything i do turns to shit!! I'm never happy in life! When a guy did like me i was so stupid not to pick up the signs and was too late coz he asked out somebody else. I'm the weird anti-social girl who sits in the back of the class and doesn't talk to anyone. When i do talk i always say something stupid. When someones trips down the final stairs thats usually me. It seems that there is always a black fucking cloud over me. I'm a pathetic excuse for a human. The biggest fuckup on this planet by far. Whats even more sad is that i can't even get the job that the fucken greasy pimple faced kid behind the maccas counter has. If you think i'm that pathetic now believe me it gets worse! My fuckhead brother beats up on me when i'm at home coz he is an anti-social dickhead who is probably gonna be unemployed for the rest of his life. He takes out his anger on me because in high school he got bullied and still takes it out on me!! My memories of Primary school were arriving at school with bruises all over my legs and always getting asked what happened and the same answer" i fell". Man i swear if there was a gun nearby i wouldn't hesitate to pull the trigger! Man i'm so fucked up and i'm only 15! I know many people who think they are screwed when they are like over 20. But my life is way fucked than you'll ever imagine. I can't mention certain things here coz someone will find out. Somebody always finds out.
Man why do i bother living my pathetic life anymore? I try to make friends? they fuck me over.
I try to have a relationship? never ends up happening. Try to get a motherfucking job flipping burgers? can't even get that. FUCK!! Why did God bother creating me??? Seriously i have no fucken clue why he wasted his time make a useless piece of cum like me. Theres no way i will go to Uni coz i'm a dumbshit and i'll never get far. I'm such a fat, ugly outcast at school. I have never had a friend who has lasted a full year!! I hate people in general they piss me of smiling through their perfect life!! I let people walk all over me and never stand up for myself. I have no clue what i wanna do for the rest of my pathetic useless life.
I'm so sick of everything. Arrghh i would be better off with a bullet in my head.
I cant seem to get this right. I look for sources outside of myself for internal remedies. I seek guidance from what I know will never work. I have on my left wrist "again", on my right "still", tattooed to look like razor cuts. Again, I wanted to be happy, still, I fail by looking outward for inner peace. I keep trying the same paths to get to a new destination. Im angry at myself because my screen names and tags are all about blind faith, and I cant seem to look before I leap. I fucking hate myself, because I am a walking betrayal of self.
My life is a fucking mess. Ived just got my predicted AS rtesults and they are FUCKING CRAP. I have already destoyed one of my possessions in frustration and I have no fucking idea of where my life is going. A mate of mine got all predicted A's and he is going through Oxbridge. What the FUCK am I going to do? Probably go to some shitty university and study music. MUSIC!! What the FUCK am I going to do with a music degree? Become a FUCKING MUSIC TEACHER? I already hate one of mine, and he's the teacher of my principal instrument. He's so penicketty and annoying. He drives my head in!
What's more, I'm expected to do all kinds of other stuff apart from do well in AS-Levels, which is hard enough on its own that I realised half-way through the year I was studying the wrong subjects (Why the hell didn't I do English? I love Shakespeare, for Christ's sake, and one of the minor percentage who do! FUCK!!) Also, I have few good friends and I don't think one of them likes me that much anymore. You probably won't believe it due to my frustrated language but I very rarely get this angry externally. I always try to be nice and charm the teachers and try to be friendly with as many people as possible. But this is the thing, NO-ONE WANTS TO TALK TO ME! NOT COME INTO MY FUCKING BEDSIT AND HAVE A CHAT WITH ME!! I don't believe I'm that boring. CHRIST!!! In revelation, I have decided to face a few hard truths. I am going to cancel my subscription to Amazon for Prime and my entire account for that manner, including DVD rental. I am going to Get bif. Something I have promised with myself for a long time but this time I can't wait anymore. I'm going to get rid of my FUCKING GLASSES, which I hate beyond belief. (By the Way, that bullshit about people not alienating you because you wear glasses, well, actually they do, just want to clean that up and be honest right here and now). I'm going to dye my hair blond and get dark blue contact lenses. I WILL BECOME POPULAR, I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL NOT BE A FAILURE BUT A HUGE SUCCESS, JUST WATCH ME! (By the way he does exist but he is just so fucking lazy that you have actually got to pray to him to make him listen to you otherwise, when you are in need, he leaves you to fend for yourself.) What else made me really angry about how crap my life was when I was in Madrid on a school trip and my best friend, whom I admit is a good-looking chap, had two girls fighting over him. Albeit, it made him unhappy, however, and I know this is bad of me, I felt nothing but envy for him. So much so that I very nearly hit him when he told me of his predicament. I bought him a beer instead which was a good move, as we were all a little drunk. WHAT. THE. FUCK. CAN. I. DO?? I want to fucking be argued over by girls. I want to be good-looking and big, being a tall guy that does help, and what's more, I want to have fucking social skills more than just petty small talk. FUCK! IF THERE'S A SWEAR WORD THAN FUCK, I'M SAYING IT! CUNT! Also, my parents are going to fucking murder me. Two Bs and a C is not good.
There is still so much pent up rage inside me. So much so, that if I was a little more psychopathic, a concept I have enjoyed of being immensely, I would actually kill someone I don't like. However, there's noone whom I believe deserves to die in my life and I would get caught if I did. If you read this and understand what I am going through can you please give me a fast solution to my porblem at <Email snipped>. PS I don't want random emails just give me what I need so I can get on and sort the mess that is my life.
*Note from Anger Central
We deleted the email address per our policy. We do not knowingly allow anything that can identify people on this site.
I am angry with myself because I pretend to think extremely low of myself when there is a good portion of my mind that thinks im better than most. I think about that, and then I get depressed, and think about suicide, but I am such a coward, the thoughts are never put in motion, and I believe my friends and ex would be happier if I could just man up and take what I deserve.
I hate all people, especially myself. By this point I have driven away almost every person that I come into contact with. When I was a kid I didn't have many friends and was completely confused when I was shunned, because despite my supposedly high intelligence I could not tell what a fucking loser that I was. I must not have social skills because I didn't even have a single friend till I was five. I used to think I was funny because we did these gay ass activities in elementary school where we said nice things about each other. People probably said I was funny because they couldn't think of anything else. I would interject during class time trying to be the class clown, and I eventually stopped when several people told me that I was not funny (as if them not laughing were not enough of a clue. I am so pathetic). I was sheltered and spoiled so I cried whenever I didn't get what I wanted, which is a habit that does not translate into a good social life. I used to cry a lot in school. I can just imagine every idiot talking about that behind my back right now.
I simultaneously hold a high and low view of myself; I will either be overly submissive or aggressive and it always ends up being the more embarrassing choice. I have let people walk over me that I should have beat the shit out of, or I would blow up in a way that embarrassed me and got me nowhere. Once, because I was an angry child, I was stuffing TP in a toilet to flood it and spite the school system somehow. Somebody asked me what I was doing, and some asshole (who has verbally harassed me since I was in kindergarden) said "being gay", to which I yelled "fuck you" repeatedly, flipping the bird and bringing the attention of teachers. My crying continued way past when I should have matured beyond such (9th fucking grade). I lost a fucking poker game that was being played for no stakes because some asshole basically cheated for this other guy and encouraged him to bet after he saw my cards and knew this guy had a better hand than me. Now, everybody sees ME crying and that's what everyone probably told their friends about. "Some little faggot cried after losing this little game", I imagine them saying. Because I am socially reclusive, sometimes I tried to overcompensate by making new friends, talking to people. I know they think I'm a loser. Every such encounter ends with them yelling sarcastically "Bye new friend!", never to condescend to converse with me again. Of the few good or true friends I had, I have driven them away. I now have nothing better to do than to spend half a fucking hour typing this so some other loser like me can read it after googling "I hate my life" at 2 in the fucking morning. At 17, I have no job, no friends, no car, no relationship of any kind with anybody outside of my family. I have never kissed a girl, though it's not like I never tried. I don't know how to approach girls and when I do I come off like a little pervert and an obvious sex-starved virgin. I have actually had the gullibility to believe girls who said "yes" to my request to meet them at the movies. When I tried to pursue the relationship further, which to this day I try to tell myself I knew was bullshit but I of course didn't, she gave me some bullshit like "my parents don't let me date"... right.... and you tell me this now? If it were true you would have told me as soon as I asked, my few pseudo-friends told me that you have dated other guys, yet I believed this crap. I actually wasted my money on a box of chocolates and flowers for the bitch for Valentines day. My perversion eventually led me to sexually harass this girl to the point that I almost got arrested. At this point I was also trying to be 'cool' by claiming to smoke weed (which I didn't, yet), which got me into sitting at a table with about 2 people I knew and a bunch of their friends. I wanted to belong, but I came there at that table every morning for 6 months before the first bell rang. I eventually overheard remarks such as "he's not even our friend he just follows us around", at which I left. I spent this last school year all alone. I now have nothing to my credit. Despite my fucking messiah complex I appear to fail at everything I try. I fantasize about beating up all of the guys that have ever talked shit about me like I'm the Incredible Fucking Hulk or something. If you could see me, you would laugh your ass off right now. I am 5'9" and the people I want to assault would, for the most part, dwarf me and whip my ass in a very embarrassing fashion. Somewhere in my mind I feel like I'm capable of being such a better person than everyone else, but I can't get my shit together. I score high on IQ tests but can't manage to get good grades. I significantly am outperformed in terms of GPA by my all the other white students. Nothing on my record would look good to a college. As I look towards college, probable failure(social and academic), waste of money and debt due to my poor social skills and study habits. I am a self hating computer nerd with no future. They say that the nerds are the ones that go to college and make money and get big fat paychecks and turn out to be the real winners in life. I should kill myself because there is no good in my future, no light at the end of the fucking tunnel. Every time I think I see it I wake up later from my delusion, knowing that I am farther from my goal than when I began. It always ends with failure and me ending up even more outcast. The only thing that keeps me alive is the knowledge that if I kill myself, they will be even more convinced that they beat me, that I was weak and pathetic. I have even fantasized about killing myself in front of my graduating class as I receive my diploma, in such a gruesome an bloodcurdling fashion as to scar everyone in that room for life the way they ruined mine. Yet as I say that I realize that it is all my fault. I am doomed to ostracism and failure everywhere I go and it's all my 'brilliant' fucking ass to blame.
Life is a BITCH I'm so sick of doing nothing with my life, It's been one battle after the other, I'm sick of being confined to fucked up labels tagged on me by people with professional titles that have no idea what the fuck there doing. I don't want to end up a a failure with no aspirations or goals. I feel like I'm stuck and every direction I run down is a dead end. For once why can't something in my life be easy.
I hate myself because I am too average. I have everything I need to be the shit, but I am too lazy to use it. I've dated the average girl, am going to the average college, and never done anything worthwhile. I feel like there is something inside of me that could make me...perfect, and all it takes is a little bit of effort, but I have been too lazy these past years to use it. I need a fucking wake up call before I turn out to be the average Dr. John Whogivesacrap living in a stupid suburb, going to fucking PTA meetings, where I genuinely hate all of the people there. I hate playing life safe, but that's all I've been doing, and it's my fault. I have to grow the fuck up and be a man. I have to be better than everyone else, if I just would work for once...
I am so fucking angry at myself for refusing to own up and take responsibility. I am angry for letting my body and mind atrophy to the point where I want to die. I am angry at myself for never saving up money or establishing credentials as a teenager and standing on the precipice of adulthood looking into a bleak future.
What makes me angrier is that sure, I can say these things to someone, but it always is met with the same condescending disdain. The look of someone who has everything SO TOGETHER they treat me like the cautionary tale I am.
I'm angry at people who call me on my bullshit because if I could stop my pain on my own I would. The only way I believe I can an increasingly large amount of the time is with a gun.
I'm angry because if I try to get better the first cutthroat dick or asshole I come across is going to push my weak self right back down into the mud, and anyone who sticks behind is doing it out of a begrudged sense of earning karma and patting themselves on the back when they think I'm not looking.
I'm angry because I keep quiet to avoid vomiting my pain upon people who don't need it, only to have assholes call me stupid for being unable to contribute to the conversation.
I want to die. I hate this game. I hate living so much. It hurts and every time I'm told there's something that makes the pain worth it I realize just how little there is to live for.
A girl? A woman? Financial Freedom? I couldn't do these things when my life was together, let alone now.
I'm angry because I have 2000000 miles to make up and every one is going to hurt like a razor blade pirouetting in my urethra.
I just want to die, and I'm angry I won't let myself.
I'm an idiot. A total idiot. I am too open and trusting. People ask me personal questions and I'm stupid enough to answer them. I'm too dumb to see I'm being played. I still haven't learned after all these years to keep my damn mouth shut and stop baring my soul to assholes who will use shit against me. I feel miserable for being so damn dumb and engaging in casual conversation trying to be a damn people pleaser. My cell phone will be off except for emergencies from now on. I'm going to miss a lot of work so I don't have to see these mental defects as much. Who cares if they fire me? I'm sick of the piranhas in that hellhole, and would welcome a fresh start. But I'm madder at myself more than anything for being suck a total fucking idiot. (looking in the mirror to self) Learn to keep your fucking pie hole shut and just say fuck off politely to any personal questions, you dumb-bitch!
I hate myself because i feel like i do everything wrong. i have such a big fucking conscious that all i do is feel bad for myself and other people. i want to get over it, but no body that is "close" to me makes me feel any better... they all just bring me down. "Fuck your god, fuck this world, fuck everything that you stand for"
My brother has autism. It's not bad or anything, but he's kinda ,,,well,,, stupid. and has NO social skills. there are two children in my family (me and my brother). he's 15 (turning 16) and im 13. i am basically neglected. I am totally ignored. my family forgets to call me for dinner. so most nights, i dont eat. im too depressed. i've almost started cutting, but at school im really happy and i dont want that there. so im really sad. i cry every nite. my life is a mess. you feel sorry for the ppl w/ autism??? think about their siblings. :'( i think im falling into depression... HELP ME!!
*Note from Anger Central
We understand your problem. You are at a point in your life when major changes are occurring. We would recommend that you talk to your father. Literally make an appointment where the two of you can sit down and talk about your problems with out an interruption. Because of your brothers requirements, your parents my at times get tunnel vision. This is the time when you need to let them know you are having a problem, but also you need to understand what they are dealing with. At your age, this will be hard for you to do. We hope this helps you out and wish you the best of luck.
I loathe the fact that I am human! I hate this world we crawl around on like fleas and flies! Nothing more than common insects! Wallowing in the shit we have created for ourselves! Moving the dirt around our buildings we keep our useless shit in! Building shit piles for all the world too see! Wasting more than we use!
It's like we are all thrown out into the world at a tender age. Inexperienced and innocent. Then we see what it means to live through both the good and the bad. No one to account for but you. Then time eventually beats you too a pulp. That is if the system hasn't already done that for you. They send you to public schools and second rate colleges. Just so you can eventually get a crap job. Where you slump in your seat and sink deeper into nothingness. So much that you become more than nothing. You just completely disappear. Trying to live on a meager pay check to make ends meet.
What's even more disgusting, is that you end up getting married to some girl you really saw as more of, a fleeting interest than a life partner. Then you have children and then you are even more stuck than you were before. Wondering if your children are going to have a good life. A life better than yours.
Wondering if they are going to make it in the same world that has been beating you down for 33 years!
You have the want to see more than what you have grown accustomed too. You get lost in a day dream. On top of the constant gnawing at the back of your eyes slowly tearing your mind apart.
Now a days, I just sleep.
Hoping I could just fade away into my nightmares. It would be a simple escape to sleep ones life away.
So just like you all, I struggle and dig, while those with fat pockets, live big and feed on our needs. My needs! It would be better to crawl on ones belly into a hole. Than face the times that are coming for the human race. I surely hope we all can make it. If not, then I'll just say, "I told you so! Human beings are a virus that is destroying a beautiful creation and we should be destroyed.
I hate myself because i am am self destructive.. i turn everything into an arguement.. i push away all the people that care about and yell at them for abandoning me i will never love my self.. you know what fuck it im done
I'm a fucking loser in so many ways. My life should be great. My parents and grandparents work so hard and give up so much to give me opportunities in life, but every time they have opened a door for me, I've fucked it up or given up like the lazy fucking pussy I am. I look back on my life and see nothing but failure. I gave up dinghy racing, basketball and target shooting, all because I'm too lazy and stupid and arrogant to work for anything, I just expect to be awesome at these things from the start, then give up almost straight away when I realise I'm not, when the going gets tough. My parents and grandparents are going to help pay for university this year. But I don't even know if I'll make it, because I should be studying for my geo and social exam right now because they're in 2 days,but instead I'm writing this. And even if I do get in, I'll probably just be too lazy to study and fail, wasting more of my family's money and another golden opportunity to make something of myself. Other people would kill to be given even one of these chances, and do something great yet I just throw them away without trying. I have no work ethic at all, apathetic and lazy to the bone. I'm 17 and have never had a real job because I'm too apathetic and lazy and picky to go out and find one. Then I complain that I never have any money and can't go out with my friends. I mooch off my friends like a fucking leech just so I can go get a soda or go see a movie with my friends. My friends are too nice to call me on being such a fucking mooch. People laugh when they hear that I walk/cycle/bus everywhere because I can't afford a car like all my friends. I have a decent body, I stay in reasonable shape, I dress normally, wash every day, eat pretty healthily. Yet I have only had 2 girlfriends, one for 2 months and the second for ONE FUCKING WEEK. And they were over 2 years ago. They both dumped me. Why? I was always too cheap to take them out anywhere nice. Also because I'm insecure and awkward like you would not believe around women. My self esteem is rock bottom. If I could just stop being such a mopey, depressed, self depreciating asshole then I probably could talk to that smart, funny girl named Julie who has the same interests in music as I do and ask her out. But I just stare at her icon in my MSN window and hope that she will send me an IM. Fat chance, asshole. I'm obsessed with what I think others are thinking about me. I'm constantly tense, paranoid about how I percieve others to be thinking about me. I used to be just a normal guy. Now I'm a guilt ridden, depressed, paranoid, self-depreciating, lonely, enraged, cynical, pessimistic shell. Everything that is wrong with my life I have orchestrated myself. I have thrown away every chance to make a positive change in my life. My life would be perfect if I had just stepped up and taken the chances. I have no fucking right to be depressed about my life. I have no fucking right to ruin it the way I have.
I made the wrong choice, lost the love of my life (the BEST thing in my life) and can't get over it! I am driving myself insane! I stalk him, can't stop thinking about him, and am ridiculous! GET OVER IT ALREADY, self!
What the fuck? I am 13, so what?! Yeah, so this makes me the pathetic useless scumbag? WHAT THE HELL?! why do I even bother? I'm an ugly, lonely, disgusting selfish little girl. I hate the way I act, I am so DAMN OBNOXIOUS! I get all quiet and everything, and everyone asks me what's WRONG?! WHAT DO YOU THINK?! Fuck. Damn. I hate myself so much. I'm so lonely....I'm so pathetic...I can't cry when I want to. DAMNET!
I'm pissed at myself for allowing my body to become the eyesore that it is. I could make a list of excuses as long as my sagging breast as to why I am the way I am...parents didn't love me enough, food "comforted" me, boo fucking hoo.
Reality is that I have spent the better part of 26 years killing myself. Over what?? Some fucking ice cream and cookies? It is so not worth it. The life of a fat person is sad, lonely and depressing. And the sad part is fat people are out here having babies and raising fat kids! They don't deserve to have their lives diminished just because fatty mom and dad don't know how to cook a properly balanced meal! I guess I'm no better than the average fatty, but I am learning to live a healthier lifestyle. And no, not so that I can become a model, but so I won't have a heart attack and die at 30!
All my life nothing have gone right for me...My mom and dad used to hit me since i turned 3 years old...my dad used to hit me with belts and throw key chains at my face...my mom used to slap my face all the time...my dad threw a chair at me once and kicked me like a football since i was 5...i have a gay cousin...i used to run away all the time but the police always brings me back home...now that im grown and about to fucking get married to the nicest girl in this world she's leaving me because i get angry all the time because of what my parents did to me when i was a child till i became 16...im so angry and i cant cry nor scream..i keep breaking things and fucking punch the walls...i dont keep a penny in my pocket...im always out of money...i cant go out with my friends cuz i dont want to be fucking embarressed...this stupid life is fucking shit...fuck this stupid world where no one understands me...
Why don't I just kill myself already? I keep telling myself that there's a reason for my existence. The truth is that there really isn't. I'm twenty-four years old and what do I have to show for it? Fucking nothing! In High School I was a fucking dumb-ass and treated everyone like shit. It always baffled me that people would only be my friends for a few months. What a jack-ass I was, maybe it was because my father treats people like shit, maybe it's just because I'm a fucking asshole, I don't know but I regret it deeply and wish I could go back and do it all again. After High School, once I realized I needed to treat people better I could keep friends, but I couldn't find my place in life. First, I tried to go to work, but eventually I got bored as hell and I felt trapped so I thought I'd go to college. My first year of college I was a fucking dumb-ass! All I did was screw around and didn't take anything seriously, I had no direction or purpose so eventually I got super depressed and became one of those "emo" fags. After a while I "found Jesus" and decided to do a lot of work for my church. Once again however I got sick as hell of that, so I freaked out again and quit doing that shit. I went back to college and I did great, but I decided to work only part time and focus on my studies. My dad said he would help me, but I felt guilty and freaked out and dropped out of school. I'm such a fucking waste of space. I have no motivation to do anything I want to. I get sick of everything after a few months anyway. I don't kill myself because whenever I start seriously thinking about it I start thinking more optimistic. Maybe I'm scared shitless because I know that there are some people who depend on me and I don't want to leave them like that. Maybe I need fucking counseling, maybe I'm just scared of commitment. I don't know what to do. Killing myself would be the easy way out of this shit, I need to do what I need to do to be happy. The pursuit of fucking happiness is what I need to take seriously.
I'm a big fat fucking loser who is too god damn stupid to find a part time job. No matter what I do, no one will hire me. People expect me to just be happy with trying..NO FUCKING WAY! I can't pay my bills, I haven't eaten in two days, I don't sleep at night, people who are supposed to help me with finding work are giving the runaround, I get family members calling me a shiftless sack of crap eventhough they are absolutely wrong. How in the Hell can I treat this like a joke? I'm just wasting away and I'm expected not to care. Of course it has to be my fault, I am a stupid no good piece of crap who only wanted to something good with my life. I guess the only good thing I can do with my life is kill myself. Every door has closed for me, there are any windows for me to climb into either. My life is over, I'm dead.
I hate myself right now. I'm angry because i have allowed myself to be dragged into the trendy hell which is twitter. The worst part about it is a am actually enjoying it. Cant decide if i should jump in front of a train or make it slow and painful like i deserve. I guess its not all bad, you Mr. webmaster are the first person I've followed
*Note from Anger Central
The Webmaster posted a tweet when he saw this come in the other night. Twitter has it's uses as people will see. It also has the ability to be a monumental waste of time. The Webmaster uses Twhirl as his client and it goes off all the time. When he's really busy he simply stops notifications. Problem solved. Also, we do recommend that you don't announce to us that you follow us on twitter. We like to maintain our users anonymity as much as possible in case the Neofascists of the Obama administration come after us.
We to recommend @jackfacts24 though. ;)
I am such a f-in twat,
I treat my girlfriend like s**t and always make her cry, feel depressed.
I cant deal with myself being so so so crappy all the time, every week i cause bad things in the relationship.
Like 4/5 days out of a week I make a complete mess,
I am so unbelievably rubbish...
I am angry. I hardly get angry, I've never raised my voice, I didn't yell when my boyfriend cheated on me, I didn't even call him names! i told him he needed to do what was right for him. I've never been angry at my abusive step-dad or at the friends who betray me in the worst ways, or even for my friends murdering my friend. (don't worry, they're rotting in jail) But for some reason, some odd and stupid reason, I am terribly angry at me.
I have been put into a mental hospital for my anger with me. I don't know how it happened. One day I can smile and pretend I'm fine, and then the next, I'm so pissed at me I punch a mirror and break 3 fingers. I still shake with anger at myself. I will list the big things that make me angry everyday about me.
1. i have no job and am completely dependent on my boyfriend whom I live with. What is so enraging about this is that I WANT to work. I have a great work ethic with 'AMAZING customer service skills' (my old bosses words) but for some reason I can't seem to get myself out of the house. Well i was so angry with myself i went to a job fair and am now waiting on a background check so I can starting training. (still really angry that I did not do it sooner!)
2. I am fat. Granted, I lived on a 30 acre farm for the first half of my life, then lived on a smaller farm until a year ago. But I work like a horse out side, all day, everyday that I wasn't in school or at my job and even at my job there was a lot of running around. However my weight stays. And it's not the wide weight people get, I might be able to handle that better, it's the disgusting pot belly that I have that makes me so god damned angry. I hate it! I run, I do gym workouts, I eat so many fruits and veggies I actually like them now, but my fat just sits there, taunting me. I am 100 lbs over weight, however I AM glad i do not look like other girls who are the same weight as me. I have muscle, i can bench 180lbs. I am a beast. Yet... I am still so very angry at myself.
3. I let my friends walk all over me, and then ditch me.
Although, there is one thing I am happy about. I am glad that I know these things are my responsibility. I will not put the blame on someone else. These are my choices.
Also, is it just me or does Billy Maise (spelling?) the oxyclean (c) dude just piss you off because he got his own show? I just want to punch him in his face!
Thanks AC! I love reading your site! It makes me a little less angry every day!
Where to start, geezuz I can't stand myself. I'm f-ing over 45 years old & the only accomplishments I have to show for my life so far are two great children that I have devoted everything to. That's not the problem, the problem is that I'm a big fat, hideous, pimple-faced, stupid loser. I haven't had a job in over 10 years & I have no education nor the means to get one. I see absolutely NOTHING in my future but more hours of pure hell. My family doesn't want to be around me & I don't blame them, I hate being around me too! Every morning I pull the covers over my head because I hate dragging my fat ugly ass out of bed only to do the same thing over & over again, day after day, year after year. I exercise & eat right only to get fatter & fatter... WTH!? So I lay on the couch all day because everything I touch turns to shit. I hate everything; stupid people, traffic, loud ass drunk neighbors, looking in the mirror & even getting dressed. Ever since I was little I've wished I were dead. Why I haven't killed myself by now can only be chalked up to the fact that I'm afraid I'll fuck that up too. Gawd I wish I could just die in my sleep & put everyone around me (including myself) out of misery!!
I'm so damn angry because I'm tired of life. I'm tired of living and I'm tired of being tired.
I don't love my life, and I don't think there was a time I ever have, nor will there ever be. I want to know when I'll be happy! Will that ever come? I've been depressed in the past, but my feelings, thoughts, and want of suicide have never left.
And now that I'm about to start college and although it's a "new beginning" and much-needed change from high school, I fear it won't change my outlook on life. And when I'm done with college, I want to go onto pursue my passions- but what if I reach that goal, and it turns out I'll still be the same?
I just hate not knowing. What if this is all a waste and I'll have lived in vain? I hate waiting for change and waiting for happiness. How do I obtain it? I never was a happy person, even in my short life.
It's not even that my life was/is miserable. Sure, it could have been better. But it could also have been worse. When I became depressed, it was because I felt empathy for all the victims of injustice and cruelty in the world. My compassion literally made me want to die. And though I'm not depressed anymore, I don't have many reasons to be happy, either.
When will things be better?
The truth is, probably never. Because things will never be the way I want them to be. The world will never be good enough and I won't ever learn to accept that. And though there may be certain things that bring happiness to my life (in the future, anyway) deep down inside I'll never feel wholeheartedly content with who and how I am.
I'm hoping I'll look back on this rant someday and chuckle at the angst, desperation, and naivety of my young self.
*Note from Anger Central
In our uneducated way, you appear top be suffering from a classic case of depression. Pleas seek help from a trained medical professional. And have a nice day. :)
I am angry at myself cos I'm fat & I just moan about it but never take action. I feel so worthless, I wish I could end my sorry existence but I have to live for my kids. Fucking HATE myself though. Am FAT DISGUSTING PIG
I am such a cold, heartless, self-centered, shallow bitch and I don't know how to stop being one. I have everything anyone could possibly want - intelligence, health, beauty, an education, a great job, a wonderful devoted husband, a perfect healthy baby, a nice house. But am I happy? No! not me. I have to be Ms. Constantly Dissatisfied. I nitpick my husband for stupid things that aren't his fault, like losing his hair. I feel like my kid is a giant pain in the ass and I resent him, when he is just being a baby. What the hell did I expect out of life? When I do have free "ME" time, do I do anything with it? No, I just go online and think about all the things I want to buy -- like that will make me happy. Idiot! I hate me. All I do is make myself and everyone else unhappy. No wonder I have few friends. I'm a bitch.
I'm tired of my life. I can't seem to get my thoughts out. I bottle up my emotions and can't seem to ever get ahead. I'm tired of being the nice and sensitive person. Anytime I open up I get shit upon. I can no longer keep up with this bull shit so I have decided to take action and become a complete dick. Fuck everyone who has taken my kindness as weakness and I'm ready to let the whole world know. I'm glad I have a place to be able to say this and get my emotions out, but just saying this means shit so I'm going to take action so to everyone who's next in my way I pity you and Fuck off.
I am 26 years old. I had the world by the horns, and I fucked it up. For four years now I've done absolutely nothing except gain weight and alienate the few people who cared about me. For four years I've failed at life. Now I'm going to end it. Hope I don't fail at that, too.
Why am I such a twat? I am 50 years old with a PhD in science - and I am such a twat. I cannot seem to keep a woman interested in me for more that a couple of months - as soon as I feel comfortable enough to relax it becomes obvious that I am a lazy good-for-nothing with nothing to back-up my initial winning ways - if they exist. All the best to my twat colleagues. Yours, Twat.
I am angry because all my shool mates want to slap on fake tan all day and some of them are so retarded and think they are fab.I also had swine flu.I am so angry also because my "best friend" relies on me to make friends and then steals them.My own family dont talk to me.I wish a hole would just open up and swallow me
I am angry at men. So first of all, I am a total wierdo awkward. I can't really figure out my sexual orientation. So thing is I hate men, they never really like me or find me attractive; and if they do, they will eventually find a hotter woman and reject me. So seriously, dating men is crap because it eventually ends up in a jerk rejecting me or dumping me. So liking men is a recipe for humiliation. What annoys me the most is that I find these jerks attractive because some have pretty faces. Then these idiots just look at me like laughing at me sayin "hahah you dumbass you like me but I can't give a fuck about you, you are just a dumb girl who I find ugly and lame". So now whenever I sense a handsome guy I just avoid looking at him at all costs because let's face it, the fucking jerk won't give a shit about me. Now if I get to find a cool guy I just can't click with him. It doesn't work with me. I don't know; it's just bullshitty. I turn into a big lezza. But I can't be a lezza if I find some guys pretty. They have pretty faces but I can't stand their personalities even if they are nice, the whole men thing doesn't work for me. So they reject me, but even if they didnt reject it wouldn't work.
So now let me say why I am angry at women. All my life I have developed romatic crushes on women. I am a chick 20 years old, an angry lezza or not even lezza, maybe a bisexual who hates men if that's like even possible. So I am screwed up. Sad, angry, no self esteem fucked up. Girls reject me for dick. Let's face it even the most lesbian of the so called lesbians likes dick, sleeps with men once in a while. So the whole lesbo thing is a lie, they are cock suckers. And the supposedly bisexuals eventually end up and come back to men. So girls think I am gross, digusting lesbo. Besides, I am afraid a lot that people will call me dyke or names and make my life horrible. So I end up alone because a) guys are dumb assholes who don't give a shit or eventually find a better looking lady and dump me,laugh at me and make me feel stupid for even finding them attractive. b) Women don't find me attractive, are too busy sucking cock or think I am lame because I am like a femme with no self esteem. Lesbos don't know I exist and usually prefer men. Damn lesbos, their whole identity is a fucking lie. If I were 100% lesbo I wouldn't have this issue, but I am dumb enough to find men attractive that I have to try hard to ignore them so they don't make me feel like shit. Laughing at me for liking them. I love girls. Men can have pretty faces but emotionally and for dating doesn't work for me. So I want to date women and stop being an angry and depressed moron but I can't find them and never will. Girls are cool, I can understand them and I fall in love with them. But hey finding a girl is tough. I am not out and don't want to because my life would suck, the social rejection would suck. Most girls I meet I am too afraid to do something, most are straight and disgusted by me or some are bi but prefer cock. Like sometimes I dress up pretty and they kinda talk to me and next day I am just ok and then I don't exist. I have no confidence at all, and I am usually angry 24/7. I've become a horrible moody person, always angry. I can't stand me and I just want to isolate myself from everything. I think life sucks, people suck and I just want to become asexual. Seriously, I like girls so much more but I still have like issues with men I am just super angry at them for indirectly rejecting. I can't afford a damn shrik.
Arghh my life sucks. I have no money. I want to isolate but can't buy a house. I feel damn stupid all the time.
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